Staying organized--Clothing

You know, it is really hard to stay organized when you have a baby! If you are like me with a slight case of OCD, it can be nerve-racking. That being said, I have learned a few things I wanted to pass on to all moms. The next few posts will be a series on how I stayed/got organized after my baby was born.

The first topic:  

BABY CLOTHES!  How to ensure your baby wears every article of clothing they are given without going nuts

First: Don't put all the baby clothes in the closet or the dresser or wherever you are keeping them! ONLY have out the clothes in the size your baby currently wears. Yes, all the clothes are cute and you want to make sure you put your baby in each outfit, but you can become severely overwhelmed by the shear volume of articles of clothing.

This was something I learned on the fly. We started getting clothes for Emma from family and friends pretty early on. So--once her closet was put in--I sectioned everything out by size. I hung up all the jackets and one-piece outfits, put all the onesies in the dresser, and so on. I had everything up through size 12months put away in her room. Then she was born. And I felt like I was swimming in her clothes! They were all put away neatly. Everything was organized. But I was still overwhelmed. When she was about 3 weeks old I decided I had had enough. I went to my favorite store and bought two clear 20 gallon storage containers.

Mine are clear so I can see the clothes, but has a pink lid. The handles were very important to me, so I splurged a little on the containers.

Then I went through all of her clothes. I kept out anything size "Newborn" or size "0-3 months." Everything else was grouped together by size and put in the containers. I had tons!! I had to sort those into two groups because we had so many. All clothes up to 9months are in one container and the other is for everything 12months and up. (And yes, we already have a LOT of things size 2T/24months! lol)

As Emma outgrew things, I would change them out. About every 6 weeks I am going through her stuff because some things are size 3Months whereas others are size 3-6 months. (And yes, this frustrates the heck out of my OCD self because her clothing separators in her closet are "0-3months," "3-6months," "6-9months," etc. vs "newborn," "3months," "6months," "9months," etc.) As I put her stuff away, I sort it again! haha This time I sort into four groups:

• Clothes to give to her cousin who will be here in like 2 weeks. (YAY!)
• Clothes to keep for the next baby (AT A LATER DATE! lol) just in case we end up having another girl.
• Clothes to toss because they were ruined somehow--probably because we had faulty/defective diapers for a while.
• And then clothes to use for her future quilt. These are items which, every time I look at them, I can only see my baby girl in them. I can't imagine putting them on another baby--even if I do have another daughter. These are special to Emma and I want to make a quilt for her when she's about a year old of patches from her clothes, jammies, felt "diapers" from her baby shower, and other pieces like that.

Top: Items for her quilt. Middle: All the items she has outgrown already & we are keeping. Bottom: All clothes size 12months and up

So yeah, this takes a fairly decent amount of time, and you have to make sure you are constantly going through everything. You can't just take a stack of onesies, tie a ribbon (or string, whatever) around them, and toss them into the container. No way! You have to make sure the things you are putting away are things your baby cannot wear anymore. You do NOT want to constantly be going through things you have put away.

For example, every six weeks I have to go through ALL of Emma's pants. This is because she seems to be a size smaller in her pants than in her onesies or her dresses. She is almost 7 months old now, but I JUST put her in her 6 months pants. So her 3 month and 3-6 month pants were still in her dresser. And you also have to take into consideration that every brand is sized different. So while most of her onesies/shirts/dresses are size 6 month and working towards 6-9 month, she does have a few onesies that are 3-6 month.

Second: Only do the baby's laundry once (max TWICE) a week. At least at first. The problem is every outfit your child was given is probably adorable. You slip that shirt over their head, poke their little hands through the arms, pull those pants up and ... AWWW!! They suddenly make that outfit "One of [your] absolute favorites!" You are going to want to see your baby in that outfit again and again and again. And if you do laundry every day or so, the likelihood of you putting your baby in a repeat is higher. The more often your baby wears the same outfit, the less likely they are to get through the mountain of newborn and 0-3 month clothes.

Speaking of laundry: just go ahead and buy the baby detergent. Seriously. Yeah, I know it's a little pricey. I know they say the "Free and Clear" stuff is just as good. But it's not. Trust me. You want their clothes to stay soft and cuddly as long as possible. The baby detergent will do that so much better than the stuff we use on our own clothes. And it just smells like... well like Baby! PLUS: If you are following the tip above, than you are only doing laundry like 4-6 times a month. And, unless you have a diaper explosion and need to treat before you wash an item, you really only need to use a small amount. I never fill the cap passed the "1" marking. Well, I do if I have her high chair cover in there, but that's another thing entirely! haha Even then  I only fill to the "2." So a bottle of baby detergent can last you a really long time. They run about $16 a container. Emma is almost 7 months old. We aren't even halfway through a second container. So that comes down to, what?, $40 a year to keep your baby's clothes soft and smelling good? I think it's worth it. Plus, I figure this detergent was tested SPECIFICALLY for baby clothes use. The other stuff wasn't. So even though it says it's free and clear of those harsh chemicals and what not, is it really the safest thing to use on something that will be next to your baby's skin all day? I don't know about that. I'll stick to my baby detergent. That's just me though.

Third: When you do get around to doing the laundry, make sure you put the freshly cleaned clothes and such UNDER the clothes already in the drawers. For those things you are hanging in the closet, put them to the RIGHT of the "section." I have Emma's hanging clothes sorted by type: jackets, shirts, dresses, all-in-one outfits, etc. Once she wears a shirt, I will hang it up and put it to the far right side of the "shirts" section.

You see, you are more likely to pull a shirt or onesie or pair of pants from the top than sort and sift through a whole bunch trying to find that one thing you remember your baby looked so cute in. So by placing things which have already been worn on the bottom, you are increasing the chance of finding an adorable shirt that will become your new all-time favorite. 

The same is true of hanging clothes. You may not realize it, but we tend to scan clothes racks the same way we read: from left to right. You start on the left side and the first cute shirt or jacket or whatever you come to is usually the one you put on your baby. By placing the items they have already worn on the right, you are again increasing your chances of having your baby wear every item!

So come on now. Let's see the baby in another really cute outfit!

Your baby is going to have a LOT more newborn and 3 month clothes than any other size--maybe even more than the other sizes COMBINED! Everyone wants to see the new baby in something they got him or her, and they would rather see it sooner versus later. Who can blame them? They spent (probably) a lot of money on the outfit(s); they deserve to see the baby in it/them. Avoid the pitfall that is "The 'AWWW' Effect"!

EXCEPTIONS:

That being said, you also have to allow for "Exceptions to the Rules." As far as I can tell right now, there are three. First is the: "Christmas/ Thanksgiving/ Halloween/ New Year... Whatever" onesies and other items. Sure. Your baby may still fit in them. But are you really going to want to stroll around the mall in January with your baby wearing an orange onesie that says "My Daddy is under my spell"? No. Of course not. Halloween is over. If it's January, then Valentine's Day is approaching. So go ahead and toss the holiday themed items into the containers. Hold onto them because they are cute (you can always put them in a scrapbook or scrap-quilt if the next baby isn't on the same "schedule" as this baby), but you do not need them taking up valuable space in your nursery.

Another exception? Jackets. I think of baby jackets like I do my own: I always get them a size bigger than I do my shirts. Why? Well because if I am wearing a jacket, then I am obviously going to layer. And if my shirt is the same size as my jacket, then something is going to be too tight and I am going to be uncomfortable. So, that being said: If Emma is in size 6 month onesies and shirts, then I pull out her 9 month jackets. I will still keep her 6 month ones out, just in case, but I rarely go to those when I am picking out an outfit for her. Those are more likely to go in the diaper bag for emergencies. 

The final exception pertains to those with daughters: Get as much use out of the dresses as you can! Especially the summer ones. I still have some of Emma's 3 month summer dresses in her closet. Why? Because I put a pair of pants under it and suddenly it is a shirt. If it is really cold (or the dress is sleevless) you can add a long sleeve onesie under it as well. Conversely, bring out the winter dresses a little early so you can do layering. Put a short sleeve onesie under a sweater dress that's a size bigger and the baby won't feel as constricted (i.e. the jacket effect again). Voila! You have an extra 3 months of wear available to you! Genius, huh? LOL This way, once the pickings become a little slimmer, you can reuse those cute summer dresses in the winter. 

Okay. That's all I have on baby clothes for now. Hopefully these tips will work for you. Maybe you will find yourself a little less stressed by the mountain of clothes. Maybe you will actually be able to say "My baby wore every single thing they were given!" 

Or maybe you just got a good chuckle out of my frazzled state!

New Year's Resolutions

They say if you write them down you are more likely to follow through with them. So here are mine:

1. I resolve to read at least one book a week. By that I mean either take a little time (maybe 30-45 minutes) EACH day to read a book, or allow myself a good few hours ONE day. I know it's hard to finish a book when you can't focus on it (I figured that out for sure when I did my reading blog a few years back); so I'm not going to berate myself for not FINISHING a book a week. That will be the ultimate goal, but just allowing myself to take a personal break and not feel terrible about it will be a huge improvement over what I allow myself now. I mean, I feel guilty if I take a shower while Emma is awake! haha
2. I resolve to get back to a healthy weight. This means adding exercise to my week. Again, I can't let Mommy-guilt take over. Included in this: I want to participate in a 5K again this coming year. I did a few weeks before I started dating my guy, and was pregnant when it was decent enough weather to do another one. So 2014... I want to do it again.
3. I resolve to be more crafty. I see all these projects I want to do for each holiday. Now I just have to DO them! I'm following my friend's blog (Check it out: Love & Lion). She has all these great ideas and fun crafts. They are all things I want to do. I always say the reason I don't is because I don't have many friends my own age around here. But I'm not going to let that stop me anymore. I'm going to find the friends I DO HAVE up here and make it happen. Once a month, or every other month. Something. I just want to have a house that feels like home. Where you look around and find little things that just make that space unique. 
4. I resolve to be a good mom. This is something I work on every day as it is. I always want to be someone Emma looks up to and respects and admires. I don't know if I believe that she will remember things from now, but I DO think the things we do now will filter into the things we do later--things she WILL remember. So I try and make sure I work on my bad habits. I actively think about my words now. I actively think about how I present myself. I actively think about how I view myself. Because making it an active decision now will make it an involuntary action or thought later. 
5. I resolve to accept my life is different and not try to maintain certain standards I set before I became a mom. Example? I have to accept I will never have an entirely clean house ever again! Just (sort of) kidding. But seriously, I do have to accept that, for now, I will only be able to work on a little bit of my house at a time. I might be able to get the kitchen clean and laundry started one day & have to leave the living room and folding the laundry for another. I am having to accept it will take me probably 3 days to clean my whole house until I can give Emma age-appropriate chores. (I.E.: Putting her toys away when she's 1, helping me sort the laundry into colors when she's two, etc. Things that will make her self-sufficient--the toys--or educate her--matching like colors with the laundry.)
6. I resolve to carve out time each week for boyfriend/girlfriend time. Time where my guy and I don't have to be on Mommy-Daddy duty. Where we can go back for a while and keep our relationship moving forward. This may seem counter-productive to the previous Resolution, but it's really not. I honestly believe that if you only allow yourself to satisfy one role (mommy/daddy) then every other relationship can suffer. If I only think of my guy as the father of my daughter and forget to think of him as my boyfriend, than I will miss so many great attributes he has to offer.

So there you go. My New Year's Resolutions. In a nutshell: 1) Read each week. 2) Exercise. 3) Do more crafts. 4) Be a good mom. 5) Accept my life as it currently is. And 6) Make sure to continue cultivating my relationship.

Happy New Year's Eve everyone!

It was the best of times.... It was the worst of times

Yesterday was the most polar day since we have had Emma.

The early morning was a little hard. She woke up several times through the night wanting to eat. But then she wouldn't burp so we would be up for a long time. I can sometimes do one or the other in the night, but having both (up a lot *AND* up a long time each time) is hard!

We ended up getting up at 6:30am and feeding her another bottle. My guy and I were both up with her, playing around a little. We went to the living room and just were hanging out on the couch. I was EXHAUSTED, so my guy said he would take her for a bit. Apparently I passed out hard! LOL I woke up at 9am and thawed out a thing of frozen milk for him. I laid back down and was out cold again! 10:30 rolled around and I was finally human again.

I didn't realize how late it had gotten. Mainly because he had his PS3 on and the time on there said it was just 9:30am. As I was walking around with her throughout the house, I noticed a few things. Things that made me smile...

1. The baby swing was going slowly. It proved I wasn't dreaming when I saw him laying on the floor in front of the swing by the window, playing with her. I was half asleep when I saw this, so I thought maybe it was a dream. 
2. When he handed her to me, he asked if her diaper was right. I was still half-asleep, so I just took a quick look and said yeah. She's a tad too big for the newborn sized diapers, but the Size 1's are too big. It looked fine to me though. Then I took her to her nursery and noticed the little tub I keep on her dresser with all her diaper-changing things in it--it was on the floor by her little play mat. I remembered putting it back after her last changing. It took me noticing something by her baby-doll cradle (That'll be next) to realize that Daddy had actually changed her diaper! He usually has me do this, so that was amazing!
3. The thing I noticed by her baby-doll cradle? There was my baby blanket covering a book. Now, I have NOT read to her in the glider yet. And I *KNOW* that blanket was in the closet the night before. That means... Daddy took her to her room and read her a book. :) Only sad part is I wish I could have seen it.

Those were the "Best of times" moments. Now for the "Worst of times" moments. Emma is definitely constipated. She cannot have formula at all apparently. Not milk-based. Not soy-based. She just cannot have it. It makes her so uncomfortable. She is fussy and sad... it's so heartbreaking seeing her hurting like that. You can see it in her face; she's trying to go and it hurts her. She'll try and then burst into tears. There are only a few things that make her feel better. If I put her in the Baby K'Tan and walk around with her, she usually calms right down. If I hold her really close and really, really tight--she calms down. If Daddy holds her for a while, she calms down. We can get her to sleep for a little bit and then it starts again.

I looked up all sorts of ways to make her feel better. Some seemed really weird, so I just waited until this morning to call the doctor. But last night, we did give her a really warm bath. I spent longer in there than I normally would, because a lot of my "mommy friends" recommended it. And it worked pretty well. At least for making her comfortable. It didn't loosen anything, but she was able to sleep from 9pm to 2am. She did want to stay up for about an hour after and play. We laid on the floor in her room on her little play mat, watching the fan go round and round. Playing with the little toys...Just letting her have some fun because we could.

Welcome Home Party

Sorry these are taking so long to post. I didn't realize how much time you lose each day as a new mommy...even with the baby sleeping most of the day! haha

So we were finally able to bring Emma home on Friday. My boyfriend had talked about having everyone over to our place as a Welcome Home Party for her. Especially after the NICU scare, we really didn't want to tote her around to everyone's houses. We figured if we had everyone here, then they could all spend as much time with her as they wanted. No rushing around. No one getting missed.

We were initially going to have it on Saturday, but there were a few family members that definitely couldn't make that day (and it would have been ridiculously short notice), so we moved it to Sunday. Because that extra day's notice is huge, right?!? lol

Sunday morning came. My guy went and scored a major discount on patio cushions and umbrella. We got a TON of food, snacks, drinks, things like that. Plus people brought a little bit of everything. So we were set on food and drinks. It turned into a gorgeous day. Actually, it was a little warm. We stayed outside for HOURS! Playing bags. Snacking. Passing Emma around so everyone got a chance to hold her. Overall it was just an amazing day.

After everything was cleaned up, everyone had gone home, and Emma was resting from a fun-filled day; I got to take a good look around and really see what had happened this day. Our home was FILLED with people who love us and adore our baby. So many people took time out of their day--on short notice--to come spend time with us, see Emma, love on her. Everyone was laughing and joking around. My guy looked so relaxed, surrounded by people who care about him and are happy to see him so happy. When I looked up from my chair or out the kitchen window while tidying up, and I got to see him laughing and joking around with our family and friends and neighbors...it made me that much more happy.

I looked around and realized my life is as complete as is physically and emotionally possible right now. I look at my home and take pride in it; we have worked so hard to fix things up and even tackled a few big projects this year. I look at my boyfriend and feel all sorts of emotions: I love this person who makes sure we are all taken care of. I am proud of every thing he accomplishes because he works so hard for every thing. I am blessed beyond measure and don't know if I could ever truly say how thankful I am for having him in my life. Then I look at my little girl. This part of me/part of him that I have been waiting for my entire life. Having a daughter; that alone is a miracle. But to be blessed with a little girl who is so very good... I didn't know anyone could be that lucky.

Emma's birthstory

Emma is here. She's all of 3 days old and I still can't believe the miracle I get to hold now. I figured I'd go ahead and write out her "Birth Story" because there are parts of it even I still can't believe.

My dad and his mom came in on Monday. We went to dinner so I could eat a "really good meal" before I went to be induced. My dad had said repeatedly he did not want to know the gender, so we have been trying for MONTHS to keep it from him. Of course we almost let it slip numerous times in the few hours before we went in!! lol We were talking about what I should get my little sister for her bday since it is/was July 2nd. My bf said, "Well she'll be here that day, so that'll be a nice gift for your sister." HAHA Then at dinner, my sister was telling a story and let the baby's name slip!! I punched the side of her leg under the table and had to keep myself from laughing too hard. My grandmother even let it slip when we got home from dinner after giving them both crap! haha

Speaking of after dinner: When I went to my doctor appointment earlier that morning, the doctor and I confirmed I needed to be at the hospital by 8pm to start induction. We got a phone call around 6:30pm from the hospital. The person I spoke too said they were "overbooked" and I would have to come in later. They didn't know how much later and would give me a call. If I didn't hear anything by 9pm, I needed to call them. I got upset and told everyone what I was told. My bf was upset too so he called. This time he was told they weren't "overbooked;" they just had a lot more people go into active/natural labor than they had planned and there wasn't room. Okay, makes sense. I can deal with them having to take women who went into labor unexpectedly. Makes more sense than telling someone you are "overbooked." We called back @ 9pm and they said someone had just had their baby; they have to keep them for 2 hours, so we should check in around 11pm.

We showed up at the hospital a little after 11pm. I went to registration and let them know the deal. We tried  to tell them the baby would not be under my insurance, but under her dad's; they said we could fill all that out later. Okie dokie. Then the registration lady calls up and tells them to send a wheelchair transport. Apparently someone up there said "Well, she's being induced so she can walk right?" I told them I didn't mind walking as I heard it would speed up labor. Anything to get me going! Turns out this actually was a problem: You need the transport people for more than just pushing a wheelchair...you need their ID badge to get where you are going! We get to the elevators and can't get on because we don't have a badge. We find the public elevators and take those to L&D...only to find out we again need the ID badge to get in! We ring for the nurse. She comes over and tells us we should have had a wheelchair because they just mopped and the floor is really wet. Umm... we were told to walk up! Sheesh. It took them 30 minutes to get us into our room.

After we get in our room, I have to change into the robe-gown. Then answer questions for an hour. Once that's done, the nurse says she is going to call the doctor and see what he wants to do next. I happen to agree with the point my bf made: Why didn't she call the doc to find out what he wanted to do and ask questions while we waited?? After another 15 or so minutes, the nurse comes back and says we are going to do fluids and then the Pitocin. She screwed up the IV on my right hand so bad there was an air-pocket! And instead of admitting she screwed up, she tried to push the pocket. Kind of like you would if you were putting a screen cover on your phone and there was an air bubble.
She moved to the left hand and couldn't get it. She finally gets the IV on the side of my left arm. I was just glad to have that over and done with.

The nurse came back in at 1:45 to start the pitocin. (FYI: This is when I consider myself to be "induced" and the start of my labor. I will base all labor times off a 1:45 start....) She gets me going at a level 2. For the next 3 hours I have a good amount of contractions. Some get pretty high up there--upwards of 50, whatever that means. They weren't too terrible though. I mean, yes-some were uncomfortable, but they were bearable. I thought to myself: I can totally do this without an epidural (which was my goal). My bf started getting texts from family asking how I was doing, etc. He said the pit must not be working because I hadn't complained yet! LOL

At 4:30am, my doctor came in and said I was 3cm dilated and 50% effaced. He decided to break my water. Little did I know the nurse also decided to up my Pitocin level at the same time! She bumped me up to a level 4. All of a sudden my contractions were right on top of one another. For 90 minutes they wouldn't stop. I could hardly breathe! One didn't end before the next one began. I was miserable. I was in so much pain; my bf crawled into the bed with me. He just held me the best he could with one arm, letting me use his other hand to grip during the worst part of the contractions. This seriously went on for 90 minutes. I finally decided to get the epidural. I figured I didn't know how long my labor would be and if it was too long and continued like this, there would be no way I could push her out.

The nurse came back and checked me. Said I was still just 3cm dilated, but I was 100% effaced. That's when they started the fluids again. You have to have fluids before you get the epidural. Takes almost another hour and a half for the fluids. So I was laboring "naturally" for three hours in constant, never-ending pain. The anesthesiologist came in and let me tell you... I LOVED that man after he gave me the epidural!! He was a really nice guy. Told me about his 2 little girls, talked to me about anything BUT the epidural and labor, which helped take my mind off it. He did explain what was going on but just let it be simple.

Took 2 hours to get to 5cm dilated, 100% effaced. Then an hour and a half to get to 8cm dilated, 100% effaced, Stage -1. (That means, she was just a little high up, but *right there*). That was at 11:45am. At 12:25 I looked at my bf and family/friends who were in the room with me at this point. (There were a lot of us!) I told my bf he needed to go get the nurse. I said, "I think I'm done dilating." He just looked at me like I was nuts. He asked how I "knew." I told him I didn't know how I knew, but just *KNEW IT* He went to get the nurse. When she came in I told her the same thing. I told her it felt completely different than it did even an hour ago. She kind of rolled her eyes (wouldn't you?!?) and checked me. Then she got this shocked look on her face. She said "Well, you are 10cm. You're done! Time to call doc and deliver this baby!" I knew it!. I just knew something was different.

We kicked everyone out and started the labor process. I pushed for what seemed like forever. The doc came in and eventually told me that the baby was turned just a little bit. Her nose was supposed to be at 6 o'clock and it was at more like 8 o'clock. So every push for the longest time, was just so he could turn the baby into the right position. After he got her into position, then my pushes were to be used to get her out!

My bf was on my right, coaching me through the whole thing. He would tell me how far out her head was. Tell me when to breathe. Help push my leg up during a contraction/push. He was so excited to meet our daughter. He'd tell me to keep pushing, don't stop; even when I was out of breath, he'd say "She's almost here, just keep pushing!" It was cute to see him that excited, but I was exhausted already! At one point my nurse--who I LOVED--had to leave to go start pitocin on another patient. So the male Med Student grabbed my other leg and took over where nurse had to leave off. Plus there were two female Med Students by the door. My doc, at one point, told me 5 more pushes and my daughter would be out. So I pushed...and breath and push.... and breath and push.... ok. I thought that was three. My doc goes "Okay, four more of those." I looked up at him and said "What are you talking about? What were those? Military style?!?!?" Everyone started laughing. I would have too, except I was starting to wear out.

After a little while longer, my doc ended up having to give me an episiotomy. And then I pushed some more. In the end, her umbilical cord was just sooo short, that every time I pushed, the cord would pull her back in. So they had to suction her out. They put her on top of my chest and let me see my beautiful daughter. I was in love the second I saw her. She was sooo perfect to me. Then they took her over to the station and weighed/measured her. About two seconds after they took her, my bf asked if I minded if he was there by her instead of by me. I told him "Not at all. Go see our baby girl." He stood there, taking pictures of her the entire time she was there. He was actually the one to bring her back to me after we were both cleaned up some.

I laid there, holding my daughter, thinking I had never seen any baby more beautiful. She started looking around. I asked if she was looking for her daddy. My bf said "What?" And then she stopped looking around! It was like she just wanted to make sure he was still there! Too perfect!

We had everyone come in and see her. She was passed around for so long. Everyone kept saying how adorable she is and just wanted to hold her. I couldn't blame them. She is pretty spectacular. My mom, my dad, and my bf's mom were the first to come in. My dad was in awe of her. He came over to me and I said "Look, Daddy. You have a granddaughter." He said "Yes I do. I have a granddaughter and a great-daughter." I can't remember the last time I saw my dad that happy, as happy as he was holding my little Emmaleigh.

2 hours later, they rolled me over to the Mommy-Baby wing. We set up there, ready to spend the next 2 days required. What happened next needs its whole other post for itself!

The most amazing man...

I don't think I've said it on here (and I know I sure as heck don't say it enough in general), but I think I have one of the most amazing men in the world beside me.

It can't be easy: getting up every single day at 4:30am and going to work a manual labor job, outside usually, for 8+ hours a day. Every day. Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter--it doesn't matter. 100+ or -10 outside, it doesn't matter. Then to come home and help me with the things I can no longer do by myself being 8 months pregnant (well kinda 9 now). To make time for friends and family. And to prepare for our little girl.

My guy takes on so much that I feel like even I sometimes overlook all he does. Maybe it's because his day starts so much earlier than mine, it looks like he gets it easy because he's home by 3pm and has time to: play some video games, go to the gym, have lunch with friends, go visit family during the day. But then I stop and remember: He has been up since 4:30am!! He has been at work as long as I have and the day's barely half over!! He spends those few hours before I get home doing things--almost never stopping.

And then there are our weekends. He gets to "sleep in" until maybe 7:30 or 8am. He'd like to sleep later, but we always have things to do and it seems like no time to do them in, so it's more early mornings for us.

So here we are, "3 days and a wake up" as my dad likes to say, from one of the biggest days in our lives together. I know I'm freaking out. I'm making MAD LISTS and trying to get it all done now. I'm realizing how much there still is to do and wondering just how in the world I'm actually going to get it all done. And then I look at my boyfriend and marvel at how he does it every day. I mean, I am going to get all this time off after our baby is born. I'm going to have time to figure out what needs to be done, what can wait; what I need to have on hand, what was just a luxury. Him though... well he doesn't get all that time off. He will be back to the grindstone fairly quickly after her birth.

So that's it. Just a quick little "Thankful" post to someone who does more than you can imagine! In the words of Elinor Dashwood: "I do not attempt to deny that I think very highly of him, that I... greatly esteem him... I like him."
~~Clarification for those not so "Jane Austen-ified": I don't consider loving someone to be a choice; it is something that hits you and leaves you breathless at its force, but not a choice. You DO choose whether or not you like someone. Every day you make the choice to like someone. And every day I not only love this man, but choose to like him a great deal too! It's not that hard to do though when there is so much to like!  :)

Emma's "Little Princess" baby shower

Yesterday I had my third--and FINAL! lol-- baby shower. It was at my mom's house and it was a bunch of family from my mom and stepdad's side. It was "princess" themed. Lots of pink everywhere! lol We even had some princess tiaras to wear.

Considering all the summer plans starting to get in full swing, we had a pretty big showing! Some of my cousins couldn't make it for various reasons. Work, camps, study abroad,... I wasn't sad that they couldn't make it. I was more like "Wow... they are all getting so big!! They are almost adults now!" And considering I remember when most of them were babies or little kids, that makes me feel REALLY OLD! lol   We also had some of my mom's neighbors show up.

We had an Italian-theme going with the food. The running joke with my sisters is that they claim to be 100% Italian. Umm... my mom is Irish and my dad is half Italian, half German! But when someone asks them what they are, they always say "Italian. 100%" lol  So we had my baby sister's homemade manicotti, lasagna, some chicken/pasta with capers, fried mushrooms, and cheesesticks (for my Wisconsin family!). There were a few kinds of cakes (a chocolate "Ms. Trunchbull"-type of cake", a vanilla cake, and a cheesecake) and a punch.

I can't believe all the things we got for little Emma at the shower! I think we are basically set. I know I need a changing pad cover, but honestly, that's about the only NECESSITY I can think of. There are the little things I would like to get, but as far as what we need, we seem to be all set. My aunts even got us a diaper bag that my bf would be okay with carrying around! LOL It's a black Eddie Bauer with green lining. So not girly, but durable and stylish.

Here are a few pictures of me and the gifts. Please don't mind the blanket over my legs: I didn't realize how much my dress could creep up as we opened gifts and I wanted to be decent! LOL

Emma's "Seussical" Shower with co-workers

Friday was such a fun day!! I got to go to a baby shower thrown by one of the girls I work with. She had it at her house so it was low-key but lots of fun too. It wasn't a big shin-dig--with the summer and all, a lot of people had made plans beforehand. Just a few of my friends from work. And some girls who used to work with me showed up too.

My friend decorated her house in Dr. Seuss. There were Lorax puff-trees lining the foyer. She had a cute sign in the driveway welcoming us to the Seussical Shower. Red/white and blue/white streamers hung in her kitchen. There were cute little cards all over with some of the more memorable Dr. Seuss quotes.

And the fun was soooo yummy. There was her BLT dip which I actually took the last of home with me. She had fresh fruit and a sweet pina colada dip (Vanilla Greek yogurt, coconut shavings, and rum extract so I could try it). And homemade guac.

She also hung a clothes line in the living room. On it were all kinds of cute baby things. a few onesies, some burp cloths/cloth diapers, socks, mittens, hats, washcloths and even some hooded baby towels! Turns out all that (plus some diapers and wipes) were her actual gifts to me!!

Then there was the AMAZING CAKE!! It had scenes or moments from "One Fish, Two Fish" and "Cat in the Hat." The bottom layer was chocolate with raspberry creme, The top half was red velvet cake and cream cheese frosting. The story behind that is: I had told my friend a story about how my dad used to get me a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting every year for my birthday. Since the shower was the day before my bday, she went above and beyond and kind of incorporated my birthday into the shower. 

I couldn't believe all the cute things I got. So many outfits! We even got her some sunglasses! Another girl I work with knows that I am planning on breastfeeding, so she got me an awesome "starter kit."

I didn't get too many pics of the shower because we were all mingling around and having fun. I did get a few though, so here they are:

The clothes line with all sorts of things we'll need

My cake!

Even the base was fun! :)

The "hat" was red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting in between the layers in it. The "fish" layer was chocolate and raspberry.

Old fish and new fish!

Mother's Day, Father's Day, and gifts

Holy cow. Mother's Day is in 2 days!! That's still so surreal to me.

Last Friday I gave my mom her Mother's Day gift early: I took her to our elective ultrasound appointment. She hadn't been to any of the medical ones or the elective one prior and I knew this was something she was really looking forward to. So I scheduled it for a Friday after work, hoping both my sisters would be able to make it as well. One wasn't because of work, but we had fun anyways. And because she didn't cooperate, we get to go back the day after my mom's birthday and I think it will get to be all four of us this time.

While we were there, my mom bought me a Baby Book. It is sooo cute! Pink--of course--with all these pages to fill in. The nerd in me was quite excited! lol She said it was my first Mother's Day gift. I honestly hadn't even thought about getting a Mother's Day gift this year. I don't know why since I am usually one to over-think EVERYTHING! but I really hadn't considered whether or not I was "eligible" for a Mother's Day present. (Side note: My sister got me and my mom teddy bears with Emma's heartbeat in them for our Mother's Day presents!)

So... Am I a Mother? Officially? Mentally? Spiritually? All those other "ly's"? Should I expect a Mother's Day gift or acknowledgement on Sunday? I guess I don't feel like I should expect one. But that's also because I don't love getting gifts for the most part. I like giving gifts. I like making gifts for other people, picking things out I think/hope they will like. But Christmas and my birthday are always weird days for me. Because people ask me what I want and I never know how to answer that. I usually tell them I just want dinner with friends and family. Fun games or activities. Bowling or volleyball or even going to a karaoke bar (even though I NEVER sing! lol). I like being around the people who mean the most to me. Now there's another day where people might feel obligated to get me something and that makes me feel a little awkward. :-/

That's not to say I would ever tell a pregnant woman she is not a mother. Because then I think about it: and I truly consider my boyfriend a FATHER to our baby girl. Has he been able to hold her yet? No. But he has made hard choices to make sure her life is a good one. He works very hard to provide for her. And I know how much he loves her. Like last night. We were sitting on the couch and he was just rubbing my stomach. I asked what he was doing and he said "I want to feel her kick." Of course she already listens to Daddy more than Mommy, because almost immediately she kicked right where his hand was! (Stinker!) He also kisses my belly, holds it as he's going to sleep at night. I feel so much love when he does that. It's almost like there's an invisible beam going from his hand straight to her. I feel different when he's holding my belly. I can't put it into words; I guess it's just a feeling. I have every intention of getting him a Father's Day present from me and Emma. I've already been looking for just the right thing. (Still a little stumped, so any ideas you want to offer up would be GREATLY appreciated! LOL) But I can't say that I thought about whether or not he would get me a Mother's Day gift. hmmm

Today made me think of all the traditions we have in my family for Mother's Day. We are really big on traditions! (Maybe we just don't like change. lol) For Mother's Day growing up, we would make my mom coffee and Puff/Smacks cereal, put it on a tray with a little bell, and wait for her to wake up. You should know that us making coffee consisted of putting hot water over coffee grounds; and the milk was poured into the cereal long before she woke up so it was always incredibly soggy!! But she would eat the cereal and drink her mud and say how much she loved it. And she would ring the bell just to tell us she loved us. For Mother's Day 2 years ago (I think), I tried to do an upgrade on our childhood tradition. I bought her a new tray (one she could use on her patio they were just finishing up), a brand new bell with a beautiful green stone on the handle (her birthstone is an emerald), the new Special K with chocolate cereal, and fresh ground Starbucks Vanilla coffee. I don't drink coffee so I have no idea what a good flavor is. I took a stab at it! haha She loved it. She said it reminded her of when we were little and that was almost the best part. That we still got to be her little girls.

My dad was lucky. I was born the day before Father's Day. And since I'm his first, he never had the dilemma on whether or not he was "really" a dad while his wife was pregnant. Man, thinking about it--the guys in my life are so lucky! I mean, my birthday is the day before Father's Day again this year. It also happens to be my anniversary. So that means my boyfriend gets presents TWO DAYS IN A ROW! What a jip! LOL just kidding!

A very nice lady at the bank today wished me a Happy Mother's Day. And it made me smile a huge smile. Maybe because I didn't expect it, didn't ask for it. Maybe because it was nice to have someone look at me and say (indirectly) "You are a mother and are doing a great job--judging from the size of your belly." hahaha

All that being said: I cannot wait for Mother's Day next year. To spend the day with Emma in my arms instead of my belly. To watch my guy hold her and love on her. To know I can still give him a gift on a day people say is designated for me... to share the moments she will have with someone I love so much... that is going to be the best gift I ever receive, I think.

P.S. Wasn't totally kidding about needing ideas for Father's Day/1st Anniversary gifts for my guy! :)

The "Name Game"

Okay, so the day we found out we were having a little girl, my boyfriend told me he wanted to name her Emily Rose. M is his first initial. Rose is my middle name. She'd sort of be named after both of us. My first thought was of the movie "Exorcism of Emily Rose." (insert shudder). He said I would probably be the only one to think of that. I told him I would go along with Emily if we spelled it EMMALEIGH. Now we both call her Emma anyways, so the spelling doesn't matter as much.

Trouble now is... neither of us love the middle name for her.  First off, I wasn't ever one of those girls who had to pass on my name to my daughter. I think it gets confusing. But also because my mom's first name is Lillie, I'm Rose... I didn't want it to seem like a flower garden on my side! lol

A few nights ago I was talking to my BF's mom and joked about changing her middle name to Grace, that way she'd have a shot at not being a clutz like me. His mom started "oooh-ing" and "ahhh-ing" over the name and saying how much she liked that. I kinda tested it out with my guy last night. He started saying the "new" name over and over. Emmaleigh Grace ____. Emmaleigh Grace ___. He said he liked it a lot better. Plus it wouldn't have the stigma of the horror movie (apparently I *WASN'T* the only one to remember!)

I ran her name by a few close friends and they all said the same thing: they love it. I thought people were silly before when they said "You'll know the baby's name when you hear it." But ever since I spoke it aloud, I've known that was her name. I'm gonna ask him one more time, just to be certain he's on board with it... but I'm pretty sure we've got a name change. Lol

How does this happen??

It has taken me almost an entire week to write this blog. Every time I tried to finish up the post on the anatomy scan, it made me think of what happened last week, and especially Saturday, and I just couldn't get the words out. Today I am making myself write this. I hope it helps me somehow. Most people who read this will probably not know the person I'm talking about. They won't really get this. And that's okay.

Last Tuesday, February 26th, a good friend of mine was shot. Not the kind of shot like he got caught in a crossfire. Not the kind of shot where he attacked someone. No. The kind of shot where some jackwad driver got upset with him, stepped out of his car holding his gun, walked up to Brandon's car, and shot him three times. Yeah. The utterly defenseless kind of shot. And three times.

Now this alone makes me angry. But it gets more ... there's really no word to explain it. The jackwad is trying to say he was defending himself from Brandon. Oh yeah. A man sitting locked and strapped in his truck is really scary and intimidating. This guy claimed Brandon had a gun. Well, when the cops checked Brandon's person and vehicle there was NOTHING!!! So how did this person feel threatened enough to justify shooting a man SITTING IN HIS CAR???

And then there's still more: The man who shot my friend was an off-duty security officer. A rent-a-cop. Who couldn't hold down a job in the field for very long. He had been a security guard for about 4 different companies and let go from all of them. Says something to me. When the cops came to the scene of the crime, they interviewed this guy... AND LET HIM GO!!! WHAT? Are you kidding me? Even if he is claiming self-defense, anyone else who shoots someone in broad daylight would be taken in for questioning. They would be held. Not this guy. He walked away from this. Went home to his wife. And nothing has been done to him.

Brandon fought for his life for four whole days. He ultimately gave in and gave up to the Lord. On Saturday, March 2nd, at 10:10am, Brandon passed away. He leaves behind his wife and three sons. His youngest son was just 2 weeks old at the time.

I sit here every morning and get on facebook. I look at Brandon's page, and those pages remembering and honoring him. I watch the videos people have made of him. For him. I spend an hour of my day crying, missing this person who was just SUCH a good person. He played in a Christian Rock Band. He fought in Afghanistan. He led the youth theatre in our hometown.

I met Brandon in 7th grade. Even back then, he was just such a FUN person. He played football, but he wasn't like the stereotypical football players. He didn't fit into any of those molds, on TV or movies or anything. He always had a smile on his face. Always. He was kind to everyone. When we got to high school, he got into drama and speech. I wasn't involved in any of those but we stayed friends for the next four years.

One of my last face-to-face conversations came when we were in college, way back in 2006 I think. He was about to be shipped overseas. We messaged each other and said it would be fun to catch up. He told me about his wife. Their new baby Nolan. His deployment. What he had been getting into since we graduated. I remember sitting in DUC and just enjoying time with my friend.

I never saw him again. Not in person. He went overseas. I went to the University of Alabama for my internship, then Florida International University for grad school. He came home and raised his family with his wife. They had another baby boy: Evan. I went to work in Texas for a bit. I moved to Illinois to be around my family up here. We messaged on facebook a few times. I loved seeing what plays and productions he had coming up with the youth. He'd post videos of his band. Let everyone know what they were doing. He ran for Constable last November and it was fun seeing that side of him too.

There are some days I wonder if I should just give up my facebook. Sometimes the drama on there is frustrating. After last week, I know that's just not gonna happen anytime soon. I am sooo thankful for the past 7 years of being able to stay friends with Brandon even though we lived so far apart. I know there will still be drama on there. People will say stupid things. But ultimately, it keeps me active in the lives of those people I grew up with.

Brandon, I miss you. Every day. I find myself sitting alone crying because I hate what was done to you. I am thankful you were my friend. I am thankful for the past 15 years of knowing you. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Right up to your very last breath you were a shining example for your sons. You fought and showed strength. You died and showed faith in God. You gave your organs to 8 people and showed compassion. Thank you B-Rad. Love and miss you buddy.

Every. Single. Day.

Rock out in Heaven, man.

 Brandon with his family before baby Conner was born.

My friend.

Thankful

Every day I wake up and thank God for the person next to me.

Yes, of course I mean my boyfriend. But I also mean those people who are emotionally beside me; spiritually beside. Those people who have blessed my life with their gifts of love and friendship.

I grew up in a small town. Well to some people it seems like a small town. To us, it was a big town with a small town feel. It didn't matter if you actually knew someone or not, you would tip your hat to them. Both literally and figuratively. Some of the best people I know came from there. My very best friends in the world, I met there.

My best friend from high school has been through so much with me. We have traveled the world--separately--and shared our stories. We were best friends almost immediately and neither time nor distance has slowed that relationship down. She now lives almost 1,400 miles away with her husband and three little girls. But we pick up the phone after a few weeks or months think nothing of it. Our friendship helped me through some bad relationships, showed me that a good person isn't someone who does everything right, but someone who's actions are done with the right mindset. One of my oldest and dearest friends.

My roommate from college is another person from home I thank God for. We had a year as roommates and that led to a lifelong friendship. We share our lives with each other; our ups and downs; our successes and our failures. She also lives really far from me, but I never feel like we are losing touch. I still quote funny things we said to each other. Still laugh at our silliness from sophomore year at college. Still remember driving to see her through a tornado! She taught me that fun is sometimes more important than you think. If you take the fun out of life, it's really not worth living anymore.

My other best friend from college... She's the craziest, kookiest, most lovable person I know. Southern to the core, she embodies almost every "southern value" I can think of. She actually did travel the world with me. Well, most of the U.S. at least. Within 5 minutes of meeting her, I knew she was someone I needed to have in my life. She loves her friends and her family with everything in her. She is kind and smart...but a bull with a smartmouth if you hurt someone she cares about. I can't tell you how many times I have cried on her shoulder, laughed until I cried, and talked until we were hoarse.

My "new" friend is actually someone I've known since the day I entered high school. We were in homeroom together and I thought she was an awesome person. We never fought or anything those four years; we just moved in different circles. Every Wednesday though--or whenever homeroom was, we would talk and have fun. Now though, we seem to be at such similar places in our lives. It was weird how after not talking for so long, she was one of the very first people I wanted to share my news with. She was there from the beginning of my relationship. She and I shared our stories of how we quickly fell in love with amazing men and threw caution to the wind to follow our hearts. Then I found out I was pregnant, and I *had* to tell her. There wasn't a real "reason" she was one of the first to know, except that it felt like something I had to do.

I have two relationships here where I live now that are very similar to those from back home. One is with a girl I worked with for MAYBE 8 weeks. She and I got very close during that time. She and her "new at the time" boyfriend were very welcoming. They made me feel like I had known them forever. They were so gracious in sharing their life with me. Throughout the past 2 and a half years, I have witnessed the beginning of their relationship follow through to a couple knowing they had found their soulmate; I was invited to their wedding, baby shower, and even to be a part of their new family. Her friendship is one that defies a lot of logic (how can you become such fast friends with someone when you live so far away and didn't know each other that long?), but means the world to me here.

Then there's my boyfriend. Within 5 minutes of meeting him, I knew he was the most amazing person I had ever met. He was gorgeous, sure. He has the most amazing eyes. His smile and laugh are infectious. His arms are DROOL WORTHY! But it was his heart that made me fall so quickly. He helps his friends and family without complaining. He is always the first to show up and the last to leave. He puts aside time for himself to make time for others. I swear, there is not a better person for me. I liked him from a far for years; never thinking I would be lucky enough to end up with someone like him...let alone this very person who takes my breath away every time I look at him. (He still does.)

I guess the common theme through all these relationships is: I knew without a doubt and without hesitation that these were people to follow. When God shines that bright light on someone, you'd be an idiot to turn away. God brought these people to me to show me how to live by example. It's as blatant as a whop to the back of the head (otherwise known as a "Gibb's slap"). There doesn't have to be a logical explanation for why these relationships built, grew, developed. In fact, logic seems to have no place in them. I am someone who likes to think things through before I go and do something. And sometimes I weigh those options quickly. But with each of these people, there were no other options. These were to be my fast-friends, bossom-buddies, and besties. These people have brought so much to my life; I wonder if I will ever truly deserve the greatness that comes from being their friend.

Now I know there are a TON of friends who I am leaving out of this blog. I'm sorry. It's really early and I have to head to work soon. But I want you to know that your friendships and the lessons I've learned from you have shaped and molded me. Thank you all for your love, guidance, lessons, honesty, trust, and friendship.