Inspired by a silly video

Sometimes the simplest things inspire greatness.

Okay, that may be a tad hyperbolic. But still.

This morning I was scrolling around on social media, looking at things other people were sharing, laughing at cute photos, kept scrolling past the dumb ones... when I saw something really "interesting." It was a video titled Why Mom's get NOTHING DONE!  Well of course I had to watch that!! Here's the link. Please let me know if you can't open it for some reason) 

Why Mom's get NOTHING DONE! 

Okay. Now that you've watched let me ask you... HOW TRUE IS THAT?!? Seriously. The whole time I was watching it, I was like: "Yep." 

"Uh-huh." 

"Oh that ALWAYS happens."

"WHAT? Them too?"

Then I realized this is EVERY mom's daily existence. We are always being judged by how our homes look. Or feel like we are being judged. We try so hard to keep the place clean, but the toddler or child/children (or grown ups who act like children! haha) find a way to undo every thing you just did. Right after you just did it!

Welp, I saw that video at 6:15am. I was out of bed and determined to have a clean house, even if just until Emma woke up. In 90 minutes, I had laundry going, dishwasher unloaded and reloaded, living room completely picked up and tidied, kitchen tidied, trash out, bathrooms cleaned, Emma's room picked up, rest of the day's TO DO LIST written out. AND I was able to sit down and enjoy my clean home for a bit. 

**Insert mental picture of me doing the happy dance!***

Granted, there are a few dished soaking in the sink. My bed's not totally made. and I still have laundry to fold and put away. BUT I am so happy with how my home looks right now! I could have someone walk in and I wouldn't be embarrassed.

People always tell me I'm too hard on myself about the house. Everyone who walks in says it looks great, especially with a toddler ruling the roost. But I just feel like it looks dirty. And I hate that. My guy is constantly telling me if it's not 100% cleaned up, people understand. Everyone knows I work full time. Everyone knows I have a toddler who loves to play and "clean up" and "organize." They get that for a while, until Emma goes to school, the house will probably have a toy in every room and the laundry may not be caught up. 

AND IT'S OKAY!

But I just remember my Grammy and Pappy always telling us "A place for everything and everything in its place." I remember having to clean my room before I went anywhere. I remember doing chores to help out. I remember "Never leave a room empty-handed. Something can always be taken to the room you are heading to... to help clean up." And "If you don't make a mess, you don't ever really have to clean." So I am always doing that. If I leave the living room, I take the stray toy and put it near the stairs to take to Emma's room when I'm next heading upstairs. When I leave the kitchen, I take the coat hanging on the chair and hang it in the closet. These were and are always things I never thought about but just did.

Okay. Now that the "heavy" stuff is lain out, time for some fun Emma stories. So. Emma actually loves to help with the laundry. She will walk downstairs with me, go into the laundry room, and say "I help." Then I hand her the clothes from the washer to put in the dryer. Or I hand her the dirty clothes and let her put them in the washer. She loves it!!

The dishwasher is still a struggle. She is always wanting to unload the dirty dishes as I put them in. It never fails!

Aside from housework and chores (haha), Emma is getting so big in everything. She is clearly over half my height now. She talks and communicates almost anything she needs to. Now she can walk up to me and say "Mommy, I happy. You happy?" And even if I was beyond frustrated/irritated/annoyed/stressed/tired before that, suddenly I am SOOO happy. She tells my mom's dogs "Hush dog-dog" when they start barking. She loves the scented wax bars I sell. When I get new ones in, she comes up and says "I's mells, mommy." And she will smell every one of them. She even indicates which ones she likes and which ones she doesn't. 

Every day is a new adventure. A new struggle met with new resolutions. A new dawn met with new beginnings. I know tomorrow--oh, who am I kidding, probably in the next 30 minutes--my house will be destroyed and I will want to shun from the world because of it. (Hyperbole again). But for now, I am calm, in a clean house, with a sleeping baby.

Life is Good!

How Long has it been?!?

Forever. Haha

Emma turned 18 months yesterday. It really hit me as I had to say that to someone aloud. My daughter is 18 months old now. I'm still in shock.

She is the most amazing child I have been privied to raise. Haha. Seriously though, she is really just... well words can't describe it. I watch her become a person every day. I see her find things she loves, hates, understands, dismisses... just like the rest of us.

Loves: Well this is easy. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse!!!! (has to be MMCH though. We found out through trial and error no other "Mimi" shows will do.) Chocolate Milk. Pancakes. Kit Kats. Baby dolls. Shoes. Those are the immediate ones. Every day there are more things she discovers and finds that she loves. She got a set of dress up heels for Christmas and now she wants to wear them all the time. IT STARTS! lol
Aside from that: she still likes throwing balls around, playing "catch." She like to do things on her own. She actually will stop eating if I try to feed her and act like she's full, but will come back when I'm not looking to finish eating as long as she can feed herself. She is starting to gravitate to her books. Sometimes I will catch her sitting on her new "Mimi" couch, reading a book while "Mimi" plays on her TV. She is amazing.

Sorry so blurry. It's from my phone and I was kind of far away.

She loves to dance. Sometimes she does this move where she sticks her arm out from her face kinda and sort of prances around or spins... and it is EXACTLY like a home movie my parents have of me at 3 doing the exact same thing. Then you realize she is doing that to her daddy's heavy metal music and you realize: This child is such a perfect combo of her daddy and me. LOL

Hates: Bananas. And mashed potatoes. Seriously. She'll try almost any food. And some of it she won't love. She'll give those a few test bites, but ultimately dribble it out of her mouth. But but one of those to her lips and you will get a big ole "YUCK" from her! haha

She is starting to get potty-trained. She actually does tell us "Mama, potty." "Dada, potty." And will drag us upstairs to the bathroom so she can sit on her little potty and go. Not every time but sometimes. And she gets confused at which is which. But, again, she is only 18 months. She is so smart.

Every day, it seems like, Emma learns a new word or phrase. Just recently she started trying to perfect "Are you Ready?" to where the "R" is noticeable. Aside from that, she seriously has a huge vocabulary and understanding. She doesn't just throw out one or two words and hope you get it. She forms fully functional sentences. Yesteday I turned the faucet off in the tub because it was kind of full. She looked at me and said, "Mama, I want it oooonnnn!" I told her No. She said it again. I said no again. She said "Please?" Melted my heart. Not only because she said please, but because she gets when she is supposed to. She also says "Thank You" when you give her something. Or when she gives you something ("You're welcome hasn't quite taken hold yet! lol)

I tell ya. Watching her grow is the best feeling. Seeing her determine who she will be is scary and fun and scary and wow--all wrapped up in one bright, bubbly, amazing little blonde-haired/blue-eyed perfection. Not every trait she's developing is one I want to see stay (the demanding nature as she enters the terrible two's.. yeah that I could do without). But I know those are things she could outgrow as she gets older. Or they will be quirks she and I can fight over as gets gets older. I'm sure it will be both.

Her Christmas picture

Thanksgiving

After Christmas Pictures #2

 

My little Princess on Halloween

"Dada," "Mama," and so much more

When Emma was born, everyone always said how fast time would fly and how she would be doing this or that before I knew it. At first that wasn't really the case. I mean, she rolled from belly to back pretty fast, but I honestly feel like I was able to savor all those moments with her. They were spread out pretty well. Now though, it's like we hit a new milestone everyday!

• She's Talking! Her first word was "Dada." Of course this was after a very long night where Mommy was up with her the entire night. haha Now she not only babbles and "gaga's" but she will throw in real words. She even said her first sentence: "Mama...numnum." Hungry? haha

• She has this little "trick" that she learned. At first we would put our hands over our mouths and make the "Whoo-whoo" sound like little Indians. This cracked her up. Then her Daddy showed her she could do it herself. She is so proud of herself whenever she does it. And she will just randomly start doing it and will keep on for EVER!

• She is crawling up a storm! She started crawling one day right after I started working. Now she is a monster ARMY crawler. She is fast and determined.

  

• She is eating "big people" food. She loves when we go to Target and get a pretzel to split. She gets a scrambled egg for breakfast. She gets a little "baby bagel" sometimes. She gets softened/cooked carrots, chicken, tortillas.... We are trying her out on everything a little at a time.
• I mentioned that Emma is crawling. I guess I should also mention she is trying to WALK!! One day I was at home with her and we were playing around. She had received a Sit-To-Stand Walker for Christmas, so I stood her up and put her hands on it. She stood there just upright and like a big girl for a while. Then she tried to take a step and fell. (I caught her; it's ok! lol) That same night, her Daddy did the same thing. Only this time she started walking no problem!! 

After that, she learned that she can pull herself up with the couch.  Now she can "walk" around the couch while holding on. I kind of always figured she wouldn't be much of a crawler and go right to walking. Looks like I was right!

I think that's about it for now. I kept meaning to finish this post but there's just always something going on nowadays. With work and Emma and everything else, our days are full!! Anyways. Time to wrap this up! Have a great day!

New Year's Resolutions

They say if you write them down you are more likely to follow through with them. So here are mine:

1. I resolve to read at least one book a week. By that I mean either take a little time (maybe 30-45 minutes) EACH day to read a book, or allow myself a good few hours ONE day. I know it's hard to finish a book when you can't focus on it (I figured that out for sure when I did my reading blog a few years back); so I'm not going to berate myself for not FINISHING a book a week. That will be the ultimate goal, but just allowing myself to take a personal break and not feel terrible about it will be a huge improvement over what I allow myself now. I mean, I feel guilty if I take a shower while Emma is awake! haha
2. I resolve to get back to a healthy weight. This means adding exercise to my week. Again, I can't let Mommy-guilt take over. Included in this: I want to participate in a 5K again this coming year. I did a few weeks before I started dating my guy, and was pregnant when it was decent enough weather to do another one. So 2014... I want to do it again.
3. I resolve to be more crafty. I see all these projects I want to do for each holiday. Now I just have to DO them! I'm following my friend's blog (Check it out: Love & Lion). She has all these great ideas and fun crafts. They are all things I want to do. I always say the reason I don't is because I don't have many friends my own age around here. But I'm not going to let that stop me anymore. I'm going to find the friends I DO HAVE up here and make it happen. Once a month, or every other month. Something. I just want to have a house that feels like home. Where you look around and find little things that just make that space unique. 
4. I resolve to be a good mom. This is something I work on every day as it is. I always want to be someone Emma looks up to and respects and admires. I don't know if I believe that she will remember things from now, but I DO think the things we do now will filter into the things we do later--things she WILL remember. So I try and make sure I work on my bad habits. I actively think about my words now. I actively think about how I present myself. I actively think about how I view myself. Because making it an active decision now will make it an involuntary action or thought later. 
5. I resolve to accept my life is different and not try to maintain certain standards I set before I became a mom. Example? I have to accept I will never have an entirely clean house ever again! Just (sort of) kidding. But seriously, I do have to accept that, for now, I will only be able to work on a little bit of my house at a time. I might be able to get the kitchen clean and laundry started one day & have to leave the living room and folding the laundry for another. I am having to accept it will take me probably 3 days to clean my whole house until I can give Emma age-appropriate chores. (I.E.: Putting her toys away when she's 1, helping me sort the laundry into colors when she's two, etc. Things that will make her self-sufficient--the toys--or educate her--matching like colors with the laundry.)
6. I resolve to carve out time each week for boyfriend/girlfriend time. Time where my guy and I don't have to be on Mommy-Daddy duty. Where we can go back for a while and keep our relationship moving forward. This may seem counter-productive to the previous Resolution, but it's really not. I honestly believe that if you only allow yourself to satisfy one role (mommy/daddy) then every other relationship can suffer. If I only think of my guy as the father of my daughter and forget to think of him as my boyfriend, than I will miss so many great attributes he has to offer.

So there you go. My New Year's Resolutions. In a nutshell: 1) Read each week. 2) Exercise. 3) Do more crafts. 4) Be a good mom. 5) Accept my life as it currently is. And 6) Make sure to continue cultivating my relationship.

Happy New Year's Eve everyone!

My crazy life

Things keep getting more and more crazy around here now-a-days!! Must be the holiday season, because I just can't believe how frazzled I've felt lately!

Emma is trying "solids" for the first time. So that's all kinds of interesting. She isn't fond of carrots or sweet potatoes, but she LOVES peas!! I couldn't get them to her fast enough. She would just start yelling at me for taking too long to add food to the spoon and get it to her. I had to keep the bowl basically right by her face and kind of shovel it in! LOL But seriously. The doc said we should stay with the "yellow" veggies for right now. Carrots, squash, sweet potatoes. That kind of thing. But Emma just doesn't like them. Which kind of makes sense because she wouldn't let me have ANYTHING sweet when I was pregnant with her. I'm hoping she learns to like all veggies. I think we're on a good path though, because I don't know too many babies that like peas....

Emma is also teething. So that's TONS of fun. Not. Poor thing is soo uncomfortable. And there's not too much I can do to make it go away. We have tons of those teether things in the freezer. Heck, I even put a binkie in the freezer hoping it would help!! She is just so pitiful. She wants to be held, thinking Mommy will make it all better. And I want nothing more than to take that pain away. Being a baby is TOUGH! Sure, you get every one doing things for you, but your body is fighting you all the time. And you can't make it better. You can't tell anyone what exactly hurts. It's just not fair!

Emma is already trying to crawl. Tonight she started the "rock"--that stage where she kind of has herself up on her arms and legs and is rocking back and forth like she wants to crawl. And she is SO MUCH like her dad. She gets so frustrated when she doesn't accomplish something right away. Okay, maybe that's like me too. LOL But you can just see it in her eyes, in the way she sets her mouth all firm and stern. She WANTS TO CRAWL, Dag-um it!

And yes, Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Which means Christmas is close. Which means it will be That. Much. Harder getting out of my neighborhood with the mall traffic. And we have so many people left to buy for. I don't want to put it off until it's too late, but there just never seems to be enough time in the day to get everything done.

So those are all the crazy new things in my life right now. And let me tell you...

I Wouldn't Have It Any Other Way!! 

I Love My Life. 

I Love My Boyfriend & Daughter. 

I Love My Family & Friends. 

I have an amazing life that I am so grateful for. I am thankful I get to sleep surrounded by people who mean the most to me. When I go to bed at night, I have my guy on my right, sleeping soundly (& snoring LOUDLY! LOL). And my daughter in her Rock N Play by my bed on my left. I am literally surrounded by Love every night. And nothing could ever beat that.

This is me at like 6-ish months. I think Emma looks a lot like me here!

Another Week In The Books!

We are finally starting to settle into a routine here!
Daddy and I wake up around 4:30am so I can see him off to work by 5am. Then I try to switch the laundry over, start/unload the dishwasher, pick up a little before 6. That's when I DEFINITELY have to start getting ready for work (why does that sound weird to say--"Start getting ready..." Sorry, tangent!) Then I have to be done by 6:30 so I can wake Emma up if she's still sleeping. Get her dressed and ready to go, check all of our bags one more time, and head to either her Nona's or her Mamaw's for the day. I work over 10 hours, come home, try to get dinner ready, eat, give Emma a bath and get her ready for bed. She's usually asleep by 9:30-ish so my guy and I can watch a little bit of this TV series we found on Netflix. And then we go to sleep so we can do it all over again the next day. Shew!! Same thing Monday through Thursday.

By the end of the day on Thursday, my brain is all mush. I don't want to think about anything serious for as long as possible! lol

Fridays are my "catch-up" days. Where I really do all the laundry (even get it folded and put away), the dishes, vacuum, and any projects I remembered need to get done. Because on Saturdays we ALWAYS have something to do. Never fails. There is always a place to be, someone to see... And Sundays are spent getting ready for Monday. My life is a routine and sometimes that is a good thing, and sometimes I just wish....

Anyways. Here's what's new with Emma. She is seriously getting so big now! She is doing amazing in her Jumperoo. She found herself in the mirror and my phone. I have some fun pictures of her playing with both!

She is also standing so much now (with help, of course). But the thing is: She likes to stand. If we are holding her hands, she will pull herself up to stand. And she can hold that for a really long time!! She's on track with everything she should be: motor-skill wise, "verbally," emotionally, everything. She's even ahead of the curve on some things--like the standing and neck control.

She's an amazing baby. I love coming home to her and getting even those few minutes/hours with her before bed. I love my Fridays with her. I am a lucky momma!

Emma's birthstory

Emma is here. She's all of 3 days old and I still can't believe the miracle I get to hold now. I figured I'd go ahead and write out her "Birth Story" because there are parts of it even I still can't believe.

My dad and his mom came in on Monday. We went to dinner so I could eat a "really good meal" before I went to be induced. My dad had said repeatedly he did not want to know the gender, so we have been trying for MONTHS to keep it from him. Of course we almost let it slip numerous times in the few hours before we went in!! lol We were talking about what I should get my little sister for her bday since it is/was July 2nd. My bf said, "Well she'll be here that day, so that'll be a nice gift for your sister." HAHA Then at dinner, my sister was telling a story and let the baby's name slip!! I punched the side of her leg under the table and had to keep myself from laughing too hard. My grandmother even let it slip when we got home from dinner after giving them both crap! haha

Speaking of after dinner: When I went to my doctor appointment earlier that morning, the doctor and I confirmed I needed to be at the hospital by 8pm to start induction. We got a phone call around 6:30pm from the hospital. The person I spoke too said they were "overbooked" and I would have to come in later. They didn't know how much later and would give me a call. If I didn't hear anything by 9pm, I needed to call them. I got upset and told everyone what I was told. My bf was upset too so he called. This time he was told they weren't "overbooked;" they just had a lot more people go into active/natural labor than they had planned and there wasn't room. Okay, makes sense. I can deal with them having to take women who went into labor unexpectedly. Makes more sense than telling someone you are "overbooked." We called back @ 9pm and they said someone had just had their baby; they have to keep them for 2 hours, so we should check in around 11pm.

We showed up at the hospital a little after 11pm. I went to registration and let them know the deal. We tried  to tell them the baby would not be under my insurance, but under her dad's; they said we could fill all that out later. Okie dokie. Then the registration lady calls up and tells them to send a wheelchair transport. Apparently someone up there said "Well, she's being induced so she can walk right?" I told them I didn't mind walking as I heard it would speed up labor. Anything to get me going! Turns out this actually was a problem: You need the transport people for more than just pushing a wheelchair...you need their ID badge to get where you are going! We get to the elevators and can't get on because we don't have a badge. We find the public elevators and take those to L&D...only to find out we again need the ID badge to get in! We ring for the nurse. She comes over and tells us we should have had a wheelchair because they just mopped and the floor is really wet. Umm... we were told to walk up! Sheesh. It took them 30 minutes to get us into our room.

After we get in our room, I have to change into the robe-gown. Then answer questions for an hour. Once that's done, the nurse says she is going to call the doctor and see what he wants to do next. I happen to agree with the point my bf made: Why didn't she call the doc to find out what he wanted to do and ask questions while we waited?? After another 15 or so minutes, the nurse comes back and says we are going to do fluids and then the Pitocin. She screwed up the IV on my right hand so bad there was an air-pocket! And instead of admitting she screwed up, she tried to push the pocket. Kind of like you would if you were putting a screen cover on your phone and there was an air bubble.
She moved to the left hand and couldn't get it. She finally gets the IV on the side of my left arm. I was just glad to have that over and done with.

The nurse came back in at 1:45 to start the pitocin. (FYI: This is when I consider myself to be "induced" and the start of my labor. I will base all labor times off a 1:45 start....) She gets me going at a level 2. For the next 3 hours I have a good amount of contractions. Some get pretty high up there--upwards of 50, whatever that means. They weren't too terrible though. I mean, yes-some were uncomfortable, but they were bearable. I thought to myself: I can totally do this without an epidural (which was my goal). My bf started getting texts from family asking how I was doing, etc. He said the pit must not be working because I hadn't complained yet! LOL

At 4:30am, my doctor came in and said I was 3cm dilated and 50% effaced. He decided to break my water. Little did I know the nurse also decided to up my Pitocin level at the same time! She bumped me up to a level 4. All of a sudden my contractions were right on top of one another. For 90 minutes they wouldn't stop. I could hardly breathe! One didn't end before the next one began. I was miserable. I was in so much pain; my bf crawled into the bed with me. He just held me the best he could with one arm, letting me use his other hand to grip during the worst part of the contractions. This seriously went on for 90 minutes. I finally decided to get the epidural. I figured I didn't know how long my labor would be and if it was too long and continued like this, there would be no way I could push her out.

The nurse came back and checked me. Said I was still just 3cm dilated, but I was 100% effaced. That's when they started the fluids again. You have to have fluids before you get the epidural. Takes almost another hour and a half for the fluids. So I was laboring "naturally" for three hours in constant, never-ending pain. The anesthesiologist came in and let me tell you... I LOVED that man after he gave me the epidural!! He was a really nice guy. Told me about his 2 little girls, talked to me about anything BUT the epidural and labor, which helped take my mind off it. He did explain what was going on but just let it be simple.

Took 2 hours to get to 5cm dilated, 100% effaced. Then an hour and a half to get to 8cm dilated, 100% effaced, Stage -1. (That means, she was just a little high up, but *right there*). That was at 11:45am. At 12:25 I looked at my bf and family/friends who were in the room with me at this point. (There were a lot of us!) I told my bf he needed to go get the nurse. I said, "I think I'm done dilating." He just looked at me like I was nuts. He asked how I "knew." I told him I didn't know how I knew, but just *KNEW IT* He went to get the nurse. When she came in I told her the same thing. I told her it felt completely different than it did even an hour ago. She kind of rolled her eyes (wouldn't you?!?) and checked me. Then she got this shocked look on her face. She said "Well, you are 10cm. You're done! Time to call doc and deliver this baby!" I knew it!. I just knew something was different.

We kicked everyone out and started the labor process. I pushed for what seemed like forever. The doc came in and eventually told me that the baby was turned just a little bit. Her nose was supposed to be at 6 o'clock and it was at more like 8 o'clock. So every push for the longest time, was just so he could turn the baby into the right position. After he got her into position, then my pushes were to be used to get her out!

My bf was on my right, coaching me through the whole thing. He would tell me how far out her head was. Tell me when to breathe. Help push my leg up during a contraction/push. He was so excited to meet our daughter. He'd tell me to keep pushing, don't stop; even when I was out of breath, he'd say "She's almost here, just keep pushing!" It was cute to see him that excited, but I was exhausted already! At one point my nurse--who I LOVED--had to leave to go start pitocin on another patient. So the male Med Student grabbed my other leg and took over where nurse had to leave off. Plus there were two female Med Students by the door. My doc, at one point, told me 5 more pushes and my daughter would be out. So I pushed...and breath and push.... and breath and push.... ok. I thought that was three. My doc goes "Okay, four more of those." I looked up at him and said "What are you talking about? What were those? Military style?!?!?" Everyone started laughing. I would have too, except I was starting to wear out.

After a little while longer, my doc ended up having to give me an episiotomy. And then I pushed some more. In the end, her umbilical cord was just sooo short, that every time I pushed, the cord would pull her back in. So they had to suction her out. They put her on top of my chest and let me see my beautiful daughter. I was in love the second I saw her. She was sooo perfect to me. Then they took her over to the station and weighed/measured her. About two seconds after they took her, my bf asked if I minded if he was there by her instead of by me. I told him "Not at all. Go see our baby girl." He stood there, taking pictures of her the entire time she was there. He was actually the one to bring her back to me after we were both cleaned up some.

I laid there, holding my daughter, thinking I had never seen any baby more beautiful. She started looking around. I asked if she was looking for her daddy. My bf said "What?" And then she stopped looking around! It was like she just wanted to make sure he was still there! Too perfect!

We had everyone come in and see her. She was passed around for so long. Everyone kept saying how adorable she is and just wanted to hold her. I couldn't blame them. She is pretty spectacular. My mom, my dad, and my bf's mom were the first to come in. My dad was in awe of her. He came over to me and I said "Look, Daddy. You have a granddaughter." He said "Yes I do. I have a granddaughter and a great-daughter." I can't remember the last time I saw my dad that happy, as happy as he was holding my little Emmaleigh.

2 hours later, they rolled me over to the Mommy-Baby wing. We set up there, ready to spend the next 2 days required. What happened next needs its whole other post for itself!

My "Forever Job"

When kids are little, we always ask them: What are you going to be when you grow up? And you get all sorts of answers. Firefighter. Bull Rider. Astronaut. Doctor. Lawyer (yes I had a little kid tell me that once!). Some--well few--really follow through with those initial dreams. Mainly because there are so many dreams that a little kid has, that they change all the time.

But then there are those select few that know EXACTLY what they want to be when they grow up. And they go through school knowing, planning, training to be that one thing. Of those select few, even less actually get to accomplish their dream. And you always wonder-at that exact moment they realize they have just achieved their dream, if their thinking: "What's next?"

Then there's me. You can ask ANYONE in my family. Since my very first baby doll, I have only ever wanted to be a mom. Every "career" I chose was based on that one thing. If I said I wanted to be an architect, I always followed it up with "because then I can bring my babies along with me and they can get a REAL education." Or I'd say a teacher so I could be home when my babies were home. That sort of thing.

Basically, what I'm trying to say, is that I am about to start the only "job," the only "career" I have ever wanted my entire life. I am HOURS away from being a mom. And the great part about "fulfilling" my dream, is that I can never and will never say: No What? Because every day will be a new adventure. Every day from here on out I will be a Mommy. I will always worry about my baby and strive to make things better for her.

In the grand scheme of things, I am so thankful for how my pregnancy went. I didn't get gestational diabetes. I didn't have high blood pressure. I didn't gain too much weight. Yes, throwing up and getting little sleep was hard, but when I think now--looking back on what *could* have gone wrong, I am grateful.

So this is it. Probably my LAST POST as a pregnant woman. Last post before I officially become a mommy who holds their baby in their arms. I can't wait to write my first post with my daughter!!

How much longer?!? (part 2)

So yeah. I was a little negative in the first part. Sorry about that. I just needed a little mini-vent.
Here are all the good things I have had recently and expect in the NEAR future.

Belly rolls. Not the unflattering kind they make fun of the stars with on those magazines. But the kind where you are laying down and suddenly your entire stomach feels like it just rolled on itself. *THOSE* kind! haha Like yesterday morning. After I saw my guy off to work, I thought I would lay down for the 90 minutes before I needed to wake up. Ms. Emma had other plans. She wanted to PLAY! I was laying on my right side and felt her shift over. Then she started kicking the "bed." I thought maybe I was squishing her, so I rolled over (gracefully, of course...haha) to my left side. But then I felt that rolling sensation again... And she started kicking the bed again!! We played this game for a full 30 minutes. I didn't even mind the lack of a mini-morning-nap!

Her kicks. They are a lot stronger now. You can see my entire belly move when she kicks. And when she has the hiccups, she always kicks me! It's fun to think about what she might be doing in there. If she's playing any "games." What might be getting her all excited... If she's ready to come out yet! lol

Reasonable countdowns. Example: I have 30 days until her due date. 25 days until my last day of work for 2 months. 15 days until my last baby shower. 9 days until Father's Day. 8 days until my bday. 7 days until the office baby shower. These countdowns are so TINY compared to what they used to be!!

Her nursery. It is really coming together now!! A good friend at work is giving me her glider she used with her daughters today. It's exactly like the one I registered for initially, but it will save me and/or my family almost $200!! That's money we can put on other things. Like wash cloths, receiving blankets, bottles for when Daddy wants to feed her and when I have to go back to work, diapers, wipes... all those little things that add up. I cannot believe how amazing her room is. I know I picked the "theme" of Oh The Places You'll Go... but it has taken EVERY ONE of our family members and even some friends to help make it the perfect vision. She has blue skies and green grass. She has an incredible tree in the corner which we will sit under in the glider. She has fun prints of Dr. Seuss characters on the wall. It's not all pink and frills but it is definitely fit for our little girl!

The baby showers. My boyfriend's mom threw me an amazing surprise shower last weekend. (Check out my post on it.) It was incredible. Fit for a little princess with all the shades of pink and the elegant decor. There was even a pink-themed candy buffet table! Next up is the office baby shower thrown by my friend who is giving us the glider. It's going to be Dr. Seuss themed. Every day my friend comes into work and tells me she has all these great ideas for the shower, or she went and bought some fun stuff for the shower. Mind you, she never elaborates... just tosses out the teasers so I have to wait until next week! Then my mom and sister are throwing a shower at the end of the month. Want to make sure all the little necessities are here before Emma gets here. Plus, the summer is hard with my family living in about 5 different states, and we all have birthdays/anniversaries in May and June. My mom and little sister did go to the shower my guys' mom threw, and invited his mom and aunts to this last one; so it'll be like a joint thing--but maybe not all the pressure of having BOTH HUGE families try to get together in one place at one time.

Maternity leave. Yes. I am VERY MUCH looking forward to being off of "work" for 2 whole months. I know taking care of my first child isn't going to be a vacation. And I'll probably get even less sleep than  I do now. But I am so excited to get 60 WHOLE DAYS with her. I have planned on a little vacation to my hometown to see my besties, introduce them to their newest "niece." Because, let's face it: my family isn't just the people I am related it. It's all the friends in my life who have been there for me through it all. My girls are my best friends/my sisters. Their babies are my nieces and nephews. And now I get to add to that. I can't wait to show Emma off to all my girl-friends in August. I hear that babies do well in car-rides the first few months. That it's actually better to try and take a trip then versus when they are older and don't want to be in the car seat. My guy is a little nervous about me making the trip "by myself" if something comes up and he can't come with me. He said I can only go if one of my sisters comes with me!! haha.

Announcement Cards. Yes, I am already registered on a site that does baby announcements! haha. But they are just too cute I needed as much time as possible to look over them and decide what I would want to send out when she's here. I have about 12 favorites!! Hopefully by the end of next week, I'll be able to talk to Emma's daddy about what he likes and we can narrow this down some. Otherwise: would it be bad to have 2-3 different TYPES of announcements?!?!? Seriously, they are THAT CUTE!

I was going to put together a journal of letters for her. And this item was ALWAYS on my To Do List: "Type memories to put in journal." Then I realized I kind of am doing that already with this blog. So I feel a little better. She'll be able to read these posts and know what Mommy was thinking and feeling throughout the past few months. Maybe I'll get Daddy to write something on here... Eh. That's a big MAYBE!

My Labor & Delivery Bag. Yep, it's packed. For the most part. Of course there are some things I can't put in there yet, so I wouldn't say it's done-done. But it's definitely more done than not. I printed a few lists from some sites, took those lists to my mommy-friends and asked them what was really needed and what wasn't--then packed based on that. I still need to pack a mini bag for my guy but he's not a big "planner" like I am, so I'm not going to stress too much about that. I have a list of things for him too, if he wants to get a jump on it, but not holding my breath!

Dr. Appts. I have one next week with The Doctor, then every week after that. Plus I have an eye appointment this weekend--get that out of the way before things get too crazy around here! Plus it'd be nice to have prescription SUNGLASSES for once. That way I can wear my glasses in the summer instead of contacts all the time. And I have a massage set up for about 2 weeks before her due date. Try to relax even more before she's here.

Okay, that's about it for now! I still can't believe I could be a MOMMY in like THIRTY DAYS!!

Sometimes it's a little scary

I'm not naive enough to think every moment will be easy or everything will be fine every moment of every day. And there are times when I am just flat out scared. Right now, I see the countdowns and I start to hyperventilate some. As of today, we are 49 days away from her due date. Yeah, that's right. FORTY NINE! That's insane to me. Think about it: Pregnant women start out with something like 280 days of pregnancy. And now I only have 49!

I'm afraid I'm not going to get everything done that needs to be done before she gets here. I look in her room, which still needs the "final touches": pictures hung on the wall, images painted, clock hung... things like that. Plus I don't have some of the things I want, let alone everything I know I need for her. I'm scared I don't have enough diapers and wipes. I don't have the glider for rocking her, reading to her, nursing her, just sitting in the quiet with her. I don't have the onesies I need or burp cloths. We haven't bought any bottles for when her daddy wants to feed her.

Everyone is telling me  to calm down. Everything will be alright. I will have all the things I need by the time she gets here. But I'm me. I'm a planner. I don't do waiting very well. I wanted to have her room all set up at like 20 weeks! LOL Obviously that didn't happen. (wouldn't really be feasible since no one has a baby shower by 20 weeks, and that's when you get most of the things you need). I realized I had to wait until the shower to get those things I need. I put off buying things because everyone told me to. They said to wait so I've tried waiting. But it's getting crunch time and I'm worried I won't have everything ready. I'm hoping some friends will be able tom come in next weekend and finish up the decorating in Emma's room. I'm also hoping that I'll be able to reorganize the kitchen to make room for all the things we will need.

Then there are the other things that scare me. I'm scared of failing. Failing her. I know there's no "right way" to parent and I will make mistakes, but I'm also terrified BECAUSE I know this. I'm scared of making sure everything gets done. Cleaning the house, making the meals, taking care of her, taking time out for my boyfriend, any time for myself (even just to read a book), family- and friend-time.... They say it's impossible to make everyone happy, that to try will drive you insane. But my personality is just that: I want to make sure the people I care about are taken care of and happy. Joining two families is difficult in and of itself. But adding a new baby that EVERYONE is going to want to see and hang out with... suddenly there's a lot more pressure and variables.

I don't know why all this is weighing on me today. Maybe it's because my birthday is only 27 days away. And after that, it's not too much longer until she's due. Maybe it's because I'm stressing about having to change doctors this late in the game. Maybe it's because all of a sudden I have people asking me what the plans are for our future. And I don't have the answers to that. I have never been the person to not have the answers. But I'm realizing more and more how that's the case. And I don't particularly like it.

Babymoon (REALLY LATE in coming) **Part 1**

Sorry it's taken me this long to write about the amazing trip my guy and I took last week with his family. It's harder getting back into the swing of things now!

So I mentioned before that my guy's family decided they were going to Disney World and had asked us to go with them. At first we weren't sure we would be able to, but ended up working it out to where we could. Boy am I glad we did!! It was an amazing time!! I was able to keep up with everyone (most of the time) and even got to ride a few rides.

I forgot how big of an "ordeal" flying can be! It's an ALL DAY THING just to fly somewhere! Even a two-and-a-half hour flight takes all day because there's the traveling to the airport, checking in, flying, getting your bags, traveling to your hotel/resort, checking in there.... it can be exhausting! You almost can't do anything else those days. On Monday we ended up just going to DownTown Disney and having lunch at T-Rex. We brought his cousin's son (A) who is almost three and he did NOT like this restaurant. All the big dinos and loud sounds made him edgy.

Tuesday we went to Magic Kingdom--Disney World!! We had a huge party of about 15 (with 3 "babies"--under 3-- and an 8yo), so it got a little hectic at times trying to make sure everyone got to do something they wanted to do and could do. I felt a little like the babies at times because there were quite a few rides I couldn't do. I tried to do one of those train rides and it was not good. lol It said "Expectant Mothers should not ride" so I asked the ticket lady why. She said it was just a little bumpy, but they put that up there so they aren't liable. I asked a few people in our group and everyone thought it would be okay. It's kind of a kiddie ride. So I got on. After the first drop, it felt like my uterus went up, then down and landed on my stomach and bladder. So I felt like I was going to throw up and pee on myself at the same time! Weird feeling!! After that, if it said I shouldn't ride, I didn't ride! Whew!!

We spent the whole day there. It was great the rides I did get to ride (Pirates of the Caribbean, It's a Small World....) but I think the best part was watching the babies get to experience all of Disney's magic for the first time. "A" loved all the sights, but he was NOT a fan of the characters walking around. If they approached him, he would cry and hide in his stroller. So we avoided them. But there were lots of things that got him just jumping up and down in his seat. Like when we were on Small World... he and his grandparents were sitting behind us and all you could hear was "Yook!! Yook!!" He wanted everyone to see every cool thing. As an "adult" we tend to avoid this ride unless it's a ridiculously hot day and we just want out of the sun for awhile. But to a baby like him...it's full of fun sights and sounds. Like green goats and dancing dogs. Yook Yook!!

We went on a "safari" boat ride and that was interesting. Smooth ride through the "rivers of the world" with lots of fun facts hidden in between corny jokes. Again, the baby made that ride the best because of all his "Yook"s and "OOOOOhhh"s.

Wednesday morning my guy and I and his mom went for a swim at the resort's big pool for about an hour before heading off to Animal Kingdom and Hollywood Studios. We ate breakfast and I had waffles in the shape of little Mickey heads. Adorable and Tasty!!

Animal Kingdom was fun. We went on another safari ride (Jeep this time) and got to see all these amazing animals!! I saw giraffes, crocs, hippos, lions, and things I had never heard of before. They were just right there waiting for us. I thought maybe it was a real "ride" and the animals would be fake so they could teach about conservation and things like that, but these were REAL ANIMALS!!

We walked around for hours, wearing the baby out in the process. Poor guy took a nap in his stroller at one point. I tried to take him to the kiddie DinoLand area while everyone else was on a ride, but the big dinos scared him. So I just followed him around for about 20 minutes, letting him walk around and change directions as he wanted. Why not, right? We didn't have anything else to do and he'd been so good in his stroller the past two days.

After Animal Kingdom we went to Hollywood Studios so my guy's 8yo cousin could ride the Rock N Roll Roller Coaster for the FIRST TIME EVER!! He's been too short until this year and that's all he could talk about. The people at Disney are so great too. My guy's stepdad ("MR") told them it was the little guy's first time and they gave him a Fast Pass so he could ride it again!

It was kind of late by the time we got to Hollywood Studios, so we didn't get to do a whole lot that time. After Rock N Roll Roller Coaster, we ate dinner and then did the Toy Story Ride. That was a fiasco!! First the ticket person ended up splitting us up, but into uneven groups. I got sent with my guy's brother and grandmother, and the other 8 were in another line. I didn't want to ride by myself (what's the fun in that?) and by the time the three of us were even put into a car, the other group was all done. And some didn't want to ride again....Pregnancy hormones kicked in and I had a mini-meltdown. :/ Not my best moment. I tried to control it because even I knew at the time that it was ridiculous...but once it hit--it hit. I felt bad afterwards, but also knew it was almost 10pm, we had been walking a lot without stopping to eat as often as I am used to (food at Disney is EXPENSIVE!!), and we had packed a lot into the last 3 days. All these combined with the hormones... At least my guy was understanding. And I did only meltdown in front of him, which helped. lol

Okay, that's all for now. I have to get ready for work. I'll post about the last half of the trip later!! Plus some "just for fun, random" pics.

I feel horrible

So I've always said my dog is a "kennel dog." He has a HUGE kennel that's built for a Lab, with pillows and blankets and at least a few toys hidden in there.

Thing is, when I lived with my mom, he got really used to sleeping in her bed while my stepdad would be out of town. Now that I live with my guy, this dog still wants to sleep in our bed. But he will only sleep by me. And I am the lightest sleeper. Any movement wakes me up. And Jax can't stay still throughout the night. He's constantly getting up, moving around, burrowing, coming back up, snuggling against my leg, turning like hands on a clock....and kicking me!!

I tried to have Jax be a kennel dog here, but he actually cries like a little child when we put him in there are night. And that keeps all of us awake. My boyfriend was going with, "Well on the weekends, we can let him sleep in the bed since we don't have to be up early." I went along with it, but then on the weeknights, Jax still wants to sleep in our bed and we are back to square one.

Last night though I lost it. At midnight I woke up and have been up basically ever since. Jax again kept moving around. Kicking me. Walking all over the bed (being sure to miss my guy because even Jax KNOWS that's a bad idea). At 2:30 I'd had enough. I took Jax to his kennel. And I got the most pitiful look.

I know this pregnancy has been hard on my pup already. I have a lot less energy to play with him. My patience is wearing thin (mostly because I can't get a good night's sleep anymore). Jax will come up all sweet and then BAM, land on my belly. Proof dogs aren't stupid; Jax knows exactly what's going on.
Since I know it's not been easy on Jax, I feel worse about the fact he just *cannot* sleep in bed with us anymore. It just can't happen. With as difficult as it already is to get (and stay) comfortable, the additional body heat when I'm already sweating, and the constant kicking...

Someone please tell me what to do with this. I don't want my dog to feel like I'm neglecting him or don't want him. I just NEED SLEEP!

Hopes & Dreams

Now-a-days we live in a world where promises are merely words, not the covenant between people as they used to be. Where letting children do whatever they want is considered good parenting because you are allowing them to "express themselves." Where discipline is considered abuse.

I don't want to live in that world.

I have all these hopes and dreams for my little one. I watch my belly grow and each day it gets bigger, so do my dreams and wishes.

I hope my baby is strong. I want so much for this little one to be able to look whomever in the eye and never back down when they are right. That being said, I also hope my baby has enough strength to be able to accept when they are wrong. To learn from others when there is opportunity.

I hope my baby is kind. My dreams fill with this perfect bundle waddling up to strangers and offering little dandelions they picked with a huge gummy grin. I live for the day when I can look into the pure eyes of my baby, eyes which have never known sadness or letdowns. (I hope they are hazel eyes like Daddy's... I love his eyes.)

I hope my baby is smart. Not just the kind of smart that comes from books--though I pray for that too. But the kind of smart that comes from learning from those around them. I hope my baby loves books as I do. I'll fill the baby room with classics and read every night. I'm not much of a songbird, but I *can* read a book!! Daddy has so much more common sense than I do; I hope my baby inherits that too.

I hope my baby is social. Daddy can scan a room and know the exact best way to approach people almost immediately; I take a lot longer to allow people in. My way has always worked for me. It kept me from allowing the wrong people in too quickly or being disappointed by those I don't know. But Daddy... Daddy has never met a stranger it seems!! He is right at home in any group. I envy that about him sometimes. It works for him and he is very comfortable with it. I don't think it would work for me, but I hope my baby walks with the ease and grace of Daddy.

I'm not saying I think my baby will grow up perfect. I know there will be temper tantrums in our future. There will be many "Because I said so's" and "If I have to tell you one more time..." Daddy and I joke that patience is not a virtue our baby will inherit a lot of--because neither of us are exceptionally patient people!

I foresee moments where my baby will think every toy is theirs or should be--as all children do. And at those times, I look forward to teaching the concepts of sharing and giving. Of right and wrong. I will not withhold my opinion when they stumble--for I do not think of these times as failures... merely stepping stones. I will show my baby every day love is not conditional on perfection. A parent's love is unconditional.

I will not give my baby every physical thing they desire. I was given every thing I needed, and earned the extras I wanted. It was frustrating as a child, but now I am grateful for those lessons. My parents showed me how to work hard and be accountable.

I know the saying "It's a grandparent's job is to spoil their grandkids." I'm well aware my grandparents went above and beyond for us whenever they could. But I was also lucky my grandparents felt it was equally important to spoil us in lessons and good manners, as much as with toys. If I wanted a new set of crayons and a coloring book, I had to go to Bingo with my Grammy and sit there and *BEHAVE* for four hours straight. (Yes, I know the old Italian men used to sneak me all the Oatmeal Cream Pies! lol) The point is, I knew that my extras were just: things given to me but not to be expected or demanded. And I appreciated them more because they were earned.

So there it is. A semi-short list of the hopes and dreams I have for my little pumpkin. My dreams aren't the things of fairy tales. They are the dreams of a parent wanting to see their little one happy, healthy, and an all-around good person.

I can't wait!!

The pup is catching on

I think Jax knew something was "off" with me right around the time I did. See, a few days before I "confirmed" I was pregnant, he did something he has NEVER done. I have my old bed set up in the guest room. Well he went in there and peed all over! I mean it was bad! I know he did it that day too, because every day I check the house to see if he made a mess anywhere and tried to hide it. The day before, none of that mess was there. I was LIVID! Of course I immediately washed everything and cleaned up everything, but I just couldn't understand what made him do something like that.

Since then Jax has been acting really weird. He used to simply not love sleeping in his kennel (he got really used to sleeping in beds with people when we lived with my mom). But he was okay with it when we moved in with my boyfriend. Now though, if I put him in his kennel, he'll stay up an extra hour howling and crying. He does not want to be in there anymore.

Now I also tend to fall asleep a lot earlier than I used to. And I would feel bad because I leave the house at 7:30 every morning, get home around 5:30 every evening, make dinner, and am ready to sleep by 8:30. That's not a lot of time with him; plus he's used to going to bed at 9:30/10 o'clock. So on those nights I would let him sleep in our bed.
He's always been a burrower and a mover. He loves to crawl down under the covers to the foot of the bed and work his way up to just the right spot. Then in the middle of the night, he starts moving around in his sleep. He has very active dreams! He's always running or chasing something. He even yips in his sleep. (It's pretty cute, honestly!)

It was after I realized I was pregnant that he started having to sleep right in my back. Or in the crook of my knee. Now, I'm not the heaviest sleeper, anyways. Even a little bit of movement can wake me up. So sleeping between my boyfriend and an active pup... I wasn't getting the best sleep I've ever gotten. Then one night he started KICKING MY STOMACH! That was it for me. I told my boyfriend the dog just cannot sleep in the bed anymore. I'm already starting to have trouble sleeping and I've got this dog moving around all night and now he's KICKING me?!?!?

--And this is just his new sleep situation! Never mind the fact he is always stepping on my belly. Or that he *has* to be right next to me. He even puts himself between me and my guy again; something he hasn't done since we moved in together. If I sit on the couch, Jax will walk up and put his paws on my belly, especially if he sees me or my boyfriend rubbing the belly at all.

I think my dog is already jealous. I don't know what to do either. How do you prepare a pup for a baby? Maybe once this first trimester is over and I have more energy and kind of get back to a semi-normal state... Maybe then he'll calm down. I just don't know.

Patience....

They say "Patience is a virtue." To which I've always responded "Well, it's not a virtue I have a lot of!"

I've never been great at the waiting game. This is something about myself I am WELL aware of. But now I sit here and don't have a choice and it's making me CRAZY!!

I'm a planner. The second I find out something needs to be done, I do it. Even if it's not due right away. This is for several reasons:

1. If I don't do it right when you tell me, I tend to forget. It's either write it down a whole bunch and keep putting it off, or do it right away. I usually opt for "right away" because I never know what might come up that could keep me from doing what needs to be done or what was asked of me.
2. It bugs me to have things half finished. I don't like to start something unless I can see it all the way through. 
3. I don't like messes!! lol Those of you who know me know this is a "No Duh" moment, but seriously. I hate having a mess around. If I plan things out right, there shouldn't be a mess.

But here we are. 10 weeks in and I'm struggling with patience. I want to decorate the nursery. In order to do that, I have to know what we're having: boy or girl? And for that I have to wait another 7 weeks or so! It's killing me!

Plus there are all those things I want to do with the baby already. I want to hold it. I want to kiss it's little head, feel it's fingers curl around one of mine, watch my boyfriend hold the baby.... All those things. I can't wait to be a mommy.

But that's the thing, isn't it? I *have* to wait. I'm 25% of the way there--which feels amazing. That's a tangible percentage, you know? 25%. That's like needing a dollar and finding a quarter. You start to feel hopeful. Like maybe these next few weeks will fly by and suddenly you'll be at 20 weeks and seeing your baby, knowing if it's a boy or girl, planning the baby showers within the next month or so... Then it'll be summer and you can start a countdown of days, not just weeks or months.

I guess all the changes right now are a little scary.

• There's everything wacky going on inside me: crazy-emotional, none of my clothes fit, sleeping is rough... 
• There's the financial changes: selling the car and paying off debts, giving a much bigger chunk to my savings for those weeks when I won't be working, knowing there's so much to buy ahead of time... 
• The environmental changes: the house, a baby's room, making sure our room will be ready too... 
• And the changes to my relationship: We are going from a couple to a family of three. I've never been a "family of three." That's kind of scary. Am I still going to be pretty to him after I have a baby and my entire body looks like a deflated balloon? Will I still have time to cook, clean, watch the baby, and spend some quality time with just him? How do people make it work? It seems so daunting!!

The thing that is keeping me sane--the only thing right now--is that everyday he tells me how great we are going to be. How every change we make will be the best thing for our baby. How much he loves me. How he can't wait to meet our baby either. And every day he tells me I am more beautiful than the day before.
These things help me realize I really do just have to be patient. Because working myself up on something I can't change (I can't pop my baby out any sooner!) is just going to make me nuts.

Last night I told him I'd follow him anywhere. He said he didn't want me to follow him; he wanted me right there beside him. Well... I am. I trust him completely and cannot wait to travel our journey together. Right now it's slow steps. But that just means we get to meander along and enjoy the sights a little longer.