Emma's "Little Princess" baby shower

Yesterday I had my third--and FINAL! lol-- baby shower. It was at my mom's house and it was a bunch of family from my mom and stepdad's side. It was "princess" themed. Lots of pink everywhere! lol We even had some princess tiaras to wear.

Considering all the summer plans starting to get in full swing, we had a pretty big showing! Some of my cousins couldn't make it for various reasons. Work, camps, study abroad,... I wasn't sad that they couldn't make it. I was more like "Wow... they are all getting so big!! They are almost adults now!" And considering I remember when most of them were babies or little kids, that makes me feel REALLY OLD! lol   We also had some of my mom's neighbors show up.

We had an Italian-theme going with the food. The running joke with my sisters is that they claim to be 100% Italian. Umm... my mom is Irish and my dad is half Italian, half German! But when someone asks them what they are, they always say "Italian. 100%" lol  So we had my baby sister's homemade manicotti, lasagna, some chicken/pasta with capers, fried mushrooms, and cheesesticks (for my Wisconsin family!). There were a few kinds of cakes (a chocolate "Ms. Trunchbull"-type of cake", a vanilla cake, and a cheesecake) and a punch.

I can't believe all the things we got for little Emma at the shower! I think we are basically set. I know I need a changing pad cover, but honestly, that's about the only NECESSITY I can think of. There are the little things I would like to get, but as far as what we need, we seem to be all set. My aunts even got us a diaper bag that my bf would be okay with carrying around! LOL It's a black Eddie Bauer with green lining. So not girly, but durable and stylish.

Here are a few pictures of me and the gifts. Please don't mind the blanket over my legs: I didn't realize how much my dress could creep up as we opened gifts and I wanted to be decent! LOL

Busy birthday weekend

Well this weekend was by far the most PACKED weekend we have had in a long time. There was just so much going on.

Friday was my work baby shower right after work (check out the pics in that blog). After that, I headed home so I could change into comfy clothes... because we were going to my mom's for my birthday dinner. See, my anniversary is also my birthday, so my family decided we would just have dinner together the day before. So we headed over there for a few hours. Ate. Hung out. Told some fun stories. Just had a generally fun time.

Saturday was my birthday and anniversary. My boyfriend gave me gift on Friday. I was bringing in the gits from my shower and he asked if I wanted my gift a little early. OF COURSE! LOL He got me a Nook!! I am so excited about this! I mean, yes, I am traditional in the sense that I love my paper books. But I think this will be something amazing for when I am doing the late-night feedings. It has internet, games/apps, etc on top of the books. I will be able to read, check facebook, post some things on here.... all while I'm feeding her. Once I told him about this, he was even more happy he got it for me! lol (It will help keep me awake during those late hours.)

I have a Nook!

My Nook and cute cover!

The cover is adorable!

On Saturday, my guy had to get a lot of stuff done, so the morning was spent checking things off my To Do List. And boy did I get a lot done! I got all my Thank You cards filled out and ready to go. Got a haircut (this was a mistake... shouldn't have done that). Picked up my new prescription sunglasses. Cleaned up the house. Got all the laundry washed and dried (not necessarily folded! lol). Had lunch with my sister. Returned somethings to Target and Penney's. Picked up a dress for my anniversary dinner later that night....

I had made reservations at Rainforest Cafe for our anniversary. My guy had brought it up a few times that he wanted to eat there. I thought it would be fun. I told the lady when I made the reservations (and when I confirmed that day) that it was for a birthday and anniversary. When we got there, I told the hostess I was there for my reservation. I don't guess she understood, because she just put a "2" on a card and had them seat us anywhere. They ended up placing us next to a birthday party for like an 8yo. And the rest of the people around were families with little bitty babies crying. The food was ok, but not what I was hoping for. Ugh... Oh well, like my guy said: there wasn't a lot we could do since I am 8 and a half months pregnant. Maybe next year we will leave Emma with family and get a night out. Not sure we will be able to handle being away from her though!

I already posted about Saturday night's "adventure," so I won't go into that again. But it just added to the craziness of the weekend.

Yesterday was Father's Day. You would think after spending all night in the hospital, we would take it easy. Nope. Not our style! LOL My guy had to finish up helping his uncle. Then we went to his dad's for the rest of the day so he could fix something with their water. (It was WAY above my comprehension! LOL Good thing I'm dating someone who's smart enough to do all that!) By the end of the day, neither of us had any energy left. We basically got out of the car and went STRAIGHT to sleep!

I think we still overdid it though, because we both woke up sick as heck this morning. If I stood up, I would get dizzy or throw up. He was in the same boat. I ended up having to take the day off work. I'm realizing more and more how strenuous it is making a baby. And I'm just not able to do EVERYTHING like I used to. I'm being forced to take more breaks and cool it on the To Do Lists! Lol

Emma's "Seussical" Shower with co-workers

Friday was such a fun day!! I got to go to a baby shower thrown by one of the girls I work with. She had it at her house so it was low-key but lots of fun too. It wasn't a big shin-dig--with the summer and all, a lot of people had made plans beforehand. Just a few of my friends from work. And some girls who used to work with me showed up too.

My friend decorated her house in Dr. Seuss. There were Lorax puff-trees lining the foyer. She had a cute sign in the driveway welcoming us to the Seussical Shower. Red/white and blue/white streamers hung in her kitchen. There were cute little cards all over with some of the more memorable Dr. Seuss quotes.

And the fun was soooo yummy. There was her BLT dip which I actually took the last of home with me. She had fresh fruit and a sweet pina colada dip (Vanilla Greek yogurt, coconut shavings, and rum extract so I could try it). And homemade guac.

She also hung a clothes line in the living room. On it were all kinds of cute baby things. a few onesies, some burp cloths/cloth diapers, socks, mittens, hats, washcloths and even some hooded baby towels! Turns out all that (plus some diapers and wipes) were her actual gifts to me!!

Then there was the AMAZING CAKE!! It had scenes or moments from "One Fish, Two Fish" and "Cat in the Hat." The bottom layer was chocolate with raspberry creme, The top half was red velvet cake and cream cheese frosting. The story behind that is: I had told my friend a story about how my dad used to get me a red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting every year for my birthday. Since the shower was the day before my bday, she went above and beyond and kind of incorporated my birthday into the shower. 

I couldn't believe all the cute things I got. So many outfits! We even got her some sunglasses! Another girl I work with knows that I am planning on breastfeeding, so she got me an awesome "starter kit."

I didn't get too many pics of the shower because we were all mingling around and having fun. I did get a few though, so here they are:

The clothes line with all sorts of things we'll need

My cake!

Even the base was fun! :)

The "hat" was red velvet cake with cream cheese frosting in between the layers in it. The "fish" layer was chocolate and raspberry.

Old fish and new fish!

False Labor

Last night/This morning was a mini-adventure. Ended up in the hospital for what I thought was labor, only to leave with no idea what was going on....

Around 11:15 I started getting contractions. They weren't severe, merely uncomfortable. At first I didn't think anything of them, but then I realized they were pretty close together. I timed them and they were 6-8 minutes apart. I timed them for an hour and they came--every 6-8 minutes. I grabbed my "What to Expect" book, flipped to the "When you should go to the hospital section," and there it was. I had like6 out of 9 symptoms, the biggest one being consistent contractions for an extended period of time. Plus, whenever I walked, it felt like she was going to split me or fall out. Okay then, time to wake up the BF.

We got to the hospital, gave them all the information, and waited. And waited. And waited. Took the transport guy almost 30 minutes to come get me. My guy was like "Sheesh, I could have walked you up there faster than this!" Finally I get wheeled to L&D. I was still timing the contractions: Still 6-8 minutes. They take all my info again in the room. They ask if my water broke. I told them no, but my family has a history of requiring medical assistance to break the water sacs. We typically don't rupture on our own. Well after that, the nurses seemed to think I was an idiot and "one of those moms" because they basically just wrote me off. They started giving me contradictory info--from what the doc said on Thursday and what the OTHER nurse said!

On Thursday, doc said I was 1-2 and the head was all the way down. Nurse #1 said I wasn't dilated at all. She did agree that the baby was really low. She kept saying that I wasn't in labor, but when I asked what was wrong, she didn't know. She took forever to actually process the sample which would say if I was dehydrated or had an infection or what could explain what was going on... if it wasn't labor. Nurse #2 comes in an hour later and tells me I'm not dilated at all and that the baby is "really high up." Still haven't processed to see if I have an infection, so I had to ask like 3 times.

Finally around 3am they hook my up to an IV. Thing is, they say I'm definitely NOT in labor, and DEFINITELY not dehydrated. They don't know what's wrong. We ended up staying there until 6am. When they discharged me, they said they didn't know what was wrong. Still. But I could go home. I'm beyond frustrated by all this. I mean, what am I supposed to do? If I wasn't in labor, then something was going on. If it was something I could fix or stop, then I wanted to know. But I left with LESS info than when I went in.

Not to mention today is Father's Day. So after not sleeping last night (I only got an hour of sleep in the hospital and NONE all day yesterday), I am beyond exhausted. Glad I don't have to actually do anything today.  My stomach is all crampy. There's some mild Braxton Hicks periodically. My head hurts. And it still feels like she's going to fall out. So not a "jump up  and down" kind of day.

A "Fun" Dr. Appt

As of today I am 36weeks, 4days pregnant. That means a little under 3 and 1/2 weeks to go until my due date. That's not a very long time when compared to how long I've already been pregnant. But they say these are the hardest few weeks, so it sort of evens out.

Today I had a doctor appointment. Second one with the new guy. Although I don't *Love* the wait at this place, I am already exponentially happier with them. And considering the type of appointment I had to have, that's saying something! LOL


Today I went in for the culture, cervical exam, and to review the results from the ultrasound on June 1st. Not to be too graphic on anyone, but one was nothing, one wasn't that bad, and one made me want to throw up.

First the doctor went over all the results from my ultrasound. He said the baby is measuring right on for July 7th. All the measurements were great. Amniotic fluid was good. No problems. 

Then I had to get checked to see if I am a carrier for "Group B Strep." Now, it's not harmful to me if I am a carrier, but when I go to give birth, it could pass on to Emma and get her sick. Not something we want. If I am a carrier, they just have to put penicillin in the IV bag when I go to deliver. Again, not a big deal IF I am, but we need to know. So the culture was done and I have to wait a week for the results. No biggie.

Finally came the cervical exam. There's no nice way to put this, so I'm not going to explain it too much. Let's just say I never want to do it again, and yet I have to at all of my following appointments! UGH! Results: I'm 1cm dilated, baby is in full on "go" position, normal delivery is expected... and there's almost no way I'm carrying her to term. Doc says no later than the 1st. Mainly because he can already touch her head! She's that far down!! All I have to say is she better stay in there until after June 22nd. Otherwise I think two of her grandma's would shoot me in the foot!! One because she will be out of town through the 20th. The other because she is planning a baby shower for the 22nd! LOL

Still, I think it would be kind of fun to have her this weekend. With my bday and anniversary on Saturday... and Father's Day on Sunday.... I think it would be kind of cool!

How much longer?!? (part 2)

So yeah. I was a little negative in the first part. Sorry about that. I just needed a little mini-vent.
Here are all the good things I have had recently and expect in the NEAR future.

Belly rolls. Not the unflattering kind they make fun of the stars with on those magazines. But the kind where you are laying down and suddenly your entire stomach feels like it just rolled on itself. *THOSE* kind! haha Like yesterday morning. After I saw my guy off to work, I thought I would lay down for the 90 minutes before I needed to wake up. Ms. Emma had other plans. She wanted to PLAY! I was laying on my right side and felt her shift over. Then she started kicking the "bed." I thought maybe I was squishing her, so I rolled over (gracefully, of course...haha) to my left side. But then I felt that rolling sensation again... And she started kicking the bed again!! We played this game for a full 30 minutes. I didn't even mind the lack of a mini-morning-nap!

Her kicks. They are a lot stronger now. You can see my entire belly move when she kicks. And when she has the hiccups, she always kicks me! It's fun to think about what she might be doing in there. If she's playing any "games." What might be getting her all excited... If she's ready to come out yet! lol

Reasonable countdowns. Example: I have 30 days until her due date. 25 days until my last day of work for 2 months. 15 days until my last baby shower. 9 days until Father's Day. 8 days until my bday. 7 days until the office baby shower. These countdowns are so TINY compared to what they used to be!!

Her nursery. It is really coming together now!! A good friend at work is giving me her glider she used with her daughters today. It's exactly like the one I registered for initially, but it will save me and/or my family almost $200!! That's money we can put on other things. Like wash cloths, receiving blankets, bottles for when Daddy wants to feed her and when I have to go back to work, diapers, wipes... all those little things that add up. I cannot believe how amazing her room is. I know I picked the "theme" of Oh The Places You'll Go... but it has taken EVERY ONE of our family members and even some friends to help make it the perfect vision. She has blue skies and green grass. She has an incredible tree in the corner which we will sit under in the glider. She has fun prints of Dr. Seuss characters on the wall. It's not all pink and frills but it is definitely fit for our little girl!

The baby showers. My boyfriend's mom threw me an amazing surprise shower last weekend. (Check out my post on it.) It was incredible. Fit for a little princess with all the shades of pink and the elegant decor. There was even a pink-themed candy buffet table! Next up is the office baby shower thrown by my friend who is giving us the glider. It's going to be Dr. Seuss themed. Every day my friend comes into work and tells me she has all these great ideas for the shower, or she went and bought some fun stuff for the shower. Mind you, she never elaborates... just tosses out the teasers so I have to wait until next week! Then my mom and sister are throwing a shower at the end of the month. Want to make sure all the little necessities are here before Emma gets here. Plus, the summer is hard with my family living in about 5 different states, and we all have birthdays/anniversaries in May and June. My mom and little sister did go to the shower my guys' mom threw, and invited his mom and aunts to this last one; so it'll be like a joint thing--but maybe not all the pressure of having BOTH HUGE families try to get together in one place at one time.

Maternity leave. Yes. I am VERY MUCH looking forward to being off of "work" for 2 whole months. I know taking care of my first child isn't going to be a vacation. And I'll probably get even less sleep than  I do now. But I am so excited to get 60 WHOLE DAYS with her. I have planned on a little vacation to my hometown to see my besties, introduce them to their newest "niece." Because, let's face it: my family isn't just the people I am related it. It's all the friends in my life who have been there for me through it all. My girls are my best friends/my sisters. Their babies are my nieces and nephews. And now I get to add to that. I can't wait to show Emma off to all my girl-friends in August. I hear that babies do well in car-rides the first few months. That it's actually better to try and take a trip then versus when they are older and don't want to be in the car seat. My guy is a little nervous about me making the trip "by myself" if something comes up and he can't come with me. He said I can only go if one of my sisters comes with me!! haha.

Announcement Cards. Yes, I am already registered on a site that does baby announcements! haha. But they are just too cute I needed as much time as possible to look over them and decide what I would want to send out when she's here. I have about 12 favorites!! Hopefully by the end of next week, I'll be able to talk to Emma's daddy about what he likes and we can narrow this down some. Otherwise: would it be bad to have 2-3 different TYPES of announcements?!?!? Seriously, they are THAT CUTE!

I was going to put together a journal of letters for her. And this item was ALWAYS on my To Do List: "Type memories to put in journal." Then I realized I kind of am doing that already with this blog. So I feel a little better. She'll be able to read these posts and know what Mommy was thinking and feeling throughout the past few months. Maybe I'll get Daddy to write something on here... Eh. That's a big MAYBE!

My Labor & Delivery Bag. Yep, it's packed. For the most part. Of course there are some things I can't put in there yet, so I wouldn't say it's done-done. But it's definitely more done than not. I printed a few lists from some sites, took those lists to my mommy-friends and asked them what was really needed and what wasn't--then packed based on that. I still need to pack a mini bag for my guy but he's not a big "planner" like I am, so I'm not going to stress too much about that. I have a list of things for him too, if he wants to get a jump on it, but not holding my breath!

Dr. Appts. I have one next week with The Doctor, then every week after that. Plus I have an eye appointment this weekend--get that out of the way before things get too crazy around here! Plus it'd be nice to have prescription SUNGLASSES for once. That way I can wear my glasses in the summer instead of contacts all the time. And I have a massage set up for about 2 weeks before her due date. Try to relax even more before she's here.

Okay, that's about it for now! I still can't believe I could be a MOMMY in like THIRTY DAYS!!

How much longer?!? (Part 1)

30 days! That's it. 30 days until little Ms. Emmaleigh Grace's due date. I can't believe how fast the past 8 months have gone... and dread how LONG I know this next month is going to be! haha

Every day there is something else I can't do, it seems like. Sleep, for example. I CANNOT sleep! I get into bed around 9pm because I know that's when I should be going to sleep. But it's impossible to get comfortable. I will literally spend 2 whole hours tossing and turning. I can't get the pillows right (and yes--pillows. As in: I need at least 5 just for me!). Or I'm already sweating just from laying down on top of the covers. My legs feel sooo heavy and there's no good way to position them so I can get comfy.

Housework is getting a LOT harder. I almost can't keep up with it during the week. I get out of breath when I try to bring the laundry basket(s) up or down the 2 flights of stairs. And when the laundry is washed and dried, then there's the whole issue of folding it. Ugh. I try not to make or leave messes when I leave a room, just so that's one less thing I have to worry about the next day. And just the upkeep of each and every room makes me exhausted. I make To Do Lists, mentally going through every room, trying to figure out what needs to be done... and as soon as it's done, I don't want to do it! It seems like so much. But I know me and I WILL NOT bring my baby girl home to a place that isn't *clean*! So let the internal/physical battle continue!

Making dinner is difficult only because nothing sounds good anymore. Except Rice. I could eat rice 2-3 times a day, every day. As a matter of fact, yesterday I had rice from the Mexican restaurant next door to where I work for lunch AND dinner!! I bought 2 side orders for lunch knowing I'd only eat one, and saved the other one for dinner. And that was about all I ate during those meals. Well, I had a baked potato with butter and ranch (no--not a pregnancy thing because that's the way I've ALWAYS had my baked potatos! lol). But seriously, eating is a chore too. My boyfriend said the other day that eating stopped being fun now that he's trying to get back into "fighting" shape. (In his other words: He wants to lose his Emma before I do!) I told him I've felt that way for a WHILE now!

Work is hard too. I have almost no energy. In part because I can't sleep. And in part because I generally feel worn out at work. I sit there and do computer work all day. But when I leave I feel like I ran a marathon. It doesn't make sense. If I have to walk from my office to the front to mail something, it takes me FOREVER because I have to waddle the entire way. I do it hoping it'll relieve some of the stress in my back from sitting all day, but after I'm done I just want to lay down! People ask me if I plan on working up to the due date. At first I was all "Yeah, of course." --Well kinda because with the holiday being on a Thursday... I'm just taking a "long weekend" before my maternity leave officially starts on July 8th. But if the holiday fell after her due date, then yes, I would work up to that. Now though, every day is a STRUGGLE to get out of bed it seems like. I'm still planning on working as much as I can up to July 3rd. But there are days where I COMPLETELY understand wanting to take off now and just relax this last month. I wish I could afford to do that. Mentally and financially. Even if money weren't an issue (Oh that'd be the day!!), I think I would go bonkers sitting at home alone all day with no "purpose." So it's 40 hr weeks for the next 3 and a half weeks.

Shoes. Seriously, with one month left, my tennis shoes DO NOT FIT! I thought they were just a little snug on the side, so I had a girl I work with loosen the laces for me. But nope. With 4 weeks left to go, I almost have to go up a 1/2 size in my tennies! I am refusing for now though. I'll make do at work as long as I can, and on weekends it's either my Roxy flip flops (because they have so much padding on the bottom---HEAVEN!) or barefoot-and-pregnant!

So those are all the bad things I have been experiencing. I have really tried to be positive on here. Writing mostly about the good parts of the pregnancy. But here lately I've realized that these not-so-fun aspects are part of it too. They are the parts people skim over when they tell you about pregnancy. The parts you read about and think "Yeah, sure. Okay." But to go through them is entirely different!

**Don't worry: Part 2 is all the good things lately!**

Emma's "Pretty In Pink" Baby Shower

Yesterday I was surprised with a baby shower thrown by my boyfriend's mom. It was an amazing time and absolutely beautiful!!

For a few weeks now I had heard his mom would be throwing the shower, but no one tell me when or where or ANYTHING! For a planner like me, that was really difficult. haha So I would get teasers about it, but never anything concrete. I was starting to get worried because I had to book doctor appointments and work and everything else.

Well last Sunday my guy's best friend and his girlfriend went to a movie with us. Right before it started she asked me when my shower was "on Saturday." I asked her what shower and my guy tried to cover by saying something about a few weeks. She said "No, I know it's next Saturday, but I just don't know what time." HAHA My guy just shook his head.

Well it was still a surprise because I didn't find out until Friday what time or where. And NO DETAILS on what the theme was or anything. When I got there--it was PERFECT!! Here are a few pics from her "Pretty In Pink" baby shower!

My BF's mom and I

My mom and I

MY BUMP CAKE

My baby sister and I

Me with my guy's mom and aunts

Me with my guy's sister and her cousin

Little "A" wanted to take part in opening Emma's gifts!

Me and all the grandmas!

Me with the great grandmas

Me & granny! You would not believe she's almost 95!!

The great-aunts and I

The dog everyone signed and the cute party favor candle!

Some balloons from the party in her room

Me with some of Emma's aunts

The candy buffet!!

Taking charge of my health care

Lately people have been voicing their opinion on a lot of the decisions I've made. The biggest decision I made recently was to leave my OB-GYN. At 32 weeks, I basically FIRED my doctor.

I know it sounds drastic, and maybe a little stupid, but I just couldn't deal with that office anymore. Pretty much since Christmas, I have wanted to leave them. But my boyfriend said that he trusted the doctor. She was the one who delivered his son (unbeknowst to me when I was looking for a doctor). He said there had been an issue when his son was being born, she had come in, figured it out right away, and saved his son. He said he felt good knowing I was in the hands of a doctor he was sure knew what they were doing, because he had seen first-hand. So I stayed.

In early December I went in for my regular appointment. I had scheduled my next 2-3 appointments back in November because I wanted only Saturdays, early morning if possible, because of work. When I was done with that appointment, the receptionist asked me if I wanted to schedule my next one. I told her I already had it set up. She looked and didn't see it. So I had to schedule it again. 

I got a call a few days before my Saturday appointment (right before Christmas time) from the office stating my doctor was not going to be in on the Saturday I was scheduled for. So I needed to change my appointment. Since I have to work (and would be requesting off on such short notice), I asked for another Saturday. They said there were no openings until the middle of January--and I already had an appointment set up for around that time. I told her this was ridiculous, but rescheduled it AGAIN. This time I had it for the Wednesday after Christmas, at like 11am. So I had to take a half day off work. Not ideal, but I wanted to make sure I stayed on task with the appointments, like I was supposed to.

Fast forward to Dec 26th: I got a call at 9:30am from the Dr.'s office. They had to reschedule my appointment AGAIN!! This time because the heat went out. Now I said it then and I'll say it now: If it had just been this, I would have been fine with rescheduling. But the fact is this was the 3rd time!! And given the fact they told me the last time I rescheduled they didn't have any Saturdays available for a while; I was beyond irritated. Amazingly enough though, suddenly they could see me on January 5th at 9am. Funny how that happens!

Okay. That was irritating, but not insurmountable. Then in February I asked about getting my order for the 20week ultrasound a little earlier (at like my 18wk appointment instead of after the 20weeks). This again is because of work: I do not want to take off of work if it's not absolutely necessary. And since I knew the office I would have to go to for the ultrasound wouldn't be able to see me for a few weeks after I called, I wanted it early... so I could schedule it for right at 20 weeks.

I went to the ultrasound appointment the day before my dr's appointment (only time they had available...see, I knew!). When I get to my doctor, she asks me when I am supposed to go for my ultrasound. I told her I had gone the day before and the doctor had said he would send the results. She seemed shocked by this. When she checked my file again, there was the info! That week they gave me the orders for my glucose test, but only after I asked multiple times for it. (SCHEDULING! You would think they would get it by now!)

Four weeks later I went to the doctor. Three things stood out at that appointment which didn't sit well with me. The first: I signed in and was told to wait right there, because there was someone in the bathroom, but it would only be about 10seconds. Yep, not that long later, the receptionist tells me the bathroom is open. Except she called me another name! I mean, I barely had time to turn my back to her to wait and she either 1) forgot my name or 2) just didn't care and called me whatever popped into her head. Second: When I went into the room, it was set up for a new patient. I was 26 weeks pregnant... so I wasn't sure what was going on. Turns out they had grabbed the wrong folder and set it up for a different patient. Third: They tried to give me the glucose test orders again!! Even though the doctor and I had gone over my result at this appointment!

After a while, I called to schedule the remaining appointments. Since they were going to be more frequent, and there were a lot of plans trying to be made--you know, what with it going to be the summer and all--I wanted all the appointments set up so I could work around them. I called and got it all done. One of my appointments in April was cancelled. They asked if I wanted to reschedule for May 4th, but I said no because I had one for May 11th. That didn't make sense. They agreed and we moved on.

April 30th I got a call stating my doctor no longer wanted to work Saturdays, so I had to reschedule ALL my appointments! Fine. Whatever. I rescheduled them all for the Tuesday after. At that time, I tried to schedule an appointment for July 2nd. I was told the Dr. wouldn't be in that day. I asked about the 3rd. She said no. The 4th is a holiday, and my baby is due the 7th. So, you're telling me the doctor who is supposed to deliver my baby won't be seeing me for 2weeks before she's due? I asked about the other doctor working there and was told she was out-of-network. I could see her, but it would all be out of pocket. No thank you. That's why I CHOSE an in-network doctor! That had me really frustrated, so I began talking about changing doctors again. Again, my boyfriend said I should stay because he had seen her work.

On May 7th I ended up in the hospital. Turned out to not be anything "major" (infection exacerbated by stress), but it was enough to scare me. I called my doctor's office 3 times before I went in. I asked them to tell me ANY REASON it would be/could be besides pre-term labor, so I wouldn't have to go to the hospital. They told me I needed to go RIGHT THEN! (Way to freak a new mom out!) When I got there, the nurse asked if I had been experiencing any pre-term labor issues before. I told her "Not that I'm aware of." ... After it was all said and done and I was told to go home, I was also told to go see my doc on 5/14. Okay, no problem. I have an appointment for that day already so it works out. Good.

Okay, so fast forward to May 13th and I get a call at 3pm. They are cancelling my appointment for the next day because THE DOCTOR IS OUT OF TOWN! REALLY?? I JUST rescheduled this appointment like 2 weeks ago? I asked when they knew she wouldn't be there and they said before the call they made on 4/30. I asked why I was scheduled for this day then. They said the call they had made was to reschedule this appt. I told them that was a LIE because I wasn't scheduled for this day at that time. I was scheduled for May 11th. But she didn't want to work Saturdays, so I was changed to this day. And now, like 24 hours before the appointment, they want to cancel it? I asked when they would want to see me next. They said since I already had an appointment for 5/28, that would be fine. EXCUSE ME? I wouldn't have seen a doctor in 2 whole months by then! ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

That's when I started talking to one of the receptionists. I told her my issues. She said I could see the other Dr. I told her I was informed this other doctor was out of network. She said that was wrong. (UGH). Then she said she would call me back with another appointment time with the other doctor so I could be seen that same week. At 4pm I got a call stating I could be seen Thursday at 12noon. (Mind you, I didn't get the call until 5pm, because I was at work and can't check my phone.) NO THANK YOU! I WORK! I mean, how do they think it's acceptable to cancel my appointments like this, then only let me give my boss like 2 days notice that I have to take almost an entire day off?!? I called the answering service and told them to tell the office to cancel ALL my appointments. I would be finding another doctor. I was done with this terrible treatment, being lied to, inconsistency, etc.

I got a call back from the lead receptionist and she said they would give me my medical records without the fee. How magnanimous of them. I said I wanted the release form faxed to my work by 8am the next day, so I could fill it out and send it back ASAP. I wanted my records on hand when I called around for a new doctor.

Tuesday. 8am comes. No records release. I called them and demanded they fax it right then. Finally got it. Filled it out and requested to have the records sent to me the same day. It took me almost 6 hours to find a new doctor because most don't want to see a new patient after 20weeks. Finally found one and they asked for my medical records. Still didn't have them by then, so I called the old office and demanded they send them now.

Later that night I was looking them over and noticed 2 glaringly obvious issues. First: They had indicated I planned to bottle feed. Not accurate. My boyfriend and I have discussed endlessly the pros and cons of breastfeeding and have elected to go that route. Supplemental bottle feeding when necessary. Say I can't produce enough; then we would also give formula because I won't let my baby be hungry. Or if I have to leave her with someone; just to be on the safe side, I would leave bagged milk and a pre-made bottle of formula. Things like that. But we both know the benefits of breastfeeding and know that is the route we are going to attempt first.

Second: As of March 30th, I was exhibiting signs of pre-term labor. WHAT. THE..... Yeah seriously! Never once did they mention this to me. They didn't tell my nurse when I was at the L&D. Nothing. I happen to think that is something VERY serious to overlook. What if it hadn't been just an infection? What if it had been something relating to the pre-term labor, but I wasn't aware of it? And they didn't tell my nurse. I almost want to say that's malpractice!

*SOOOO* glad I switched from them. Especially after reading over my records and finding out what they hadn't told me. Made me feel much more secure in my decision.

Want to know the final nail in the coffin. On May 17th I received a letter in the mail. Dated May 6th. Stating my doctor was no longer going to be working out of that office as of June 30th. Again, something they should have mentioned at any point during my conversation with them on 5/13! Then I could have switched to the other apparently in-network doctor for my remaining appts. But no. Because they didn't feel the need to be open with me--on ANYTHING--I don't want to see them on something as serious as the health and well-being of my baby.

Now, you may be wondering how my boyfriend is reacting to all this, considering how strongly he fought for me to stay. Needless to say, after he heard about everything, lain out just as I have done here, he was more than okay with it. He said that when he thought about it, it wasn't the doctor who saved his son's birth. It was the nurse who caught the issue. Yes, the doctor had delivered the baby quickly, but she wasn't the one to determine what was wrong. He feels MUCH BETTER about me leaving now. And when he heard about the pre-term labor at 26weeks not being disclosed, he was just as livid as I was/am.

Sometimes it's a little scary

I'm not naive enough to think every moment will be easy or everything will be fine every moment of every day. And there are times when I am just flat out scared. Right now, I see the countdowns and I start to hyperventilate some. As of today, we are 49 days away from her due date. Yeah, that's right. FORTY NINE! That's insane to me. Think about it: Pregnant women start out with something like 280 days of pregnancy. And now I only have 49!

I'm afraid I'm not going to get everything done that needs to be done before she gets here. I look in her room, which still needs the "final touches": pictures hung on the wall, images painted, clock hung... things like that. Plus I don't have some of the things I want, let alone everything I know I need for her. I'm scared I don't have enough diapers and wipes. I don't have the glider for rocking her, reading to her, nursing her, just sitting in the quiet with her. I don't have the onesies I need or burp cloths. We haven't bought any bottles for when her daddy wants to feed her.

Everyone is telling me  to calm down. Everything will be alright. I will have all the things I need by the time she gets here. But I'm me. I'm a planner. I don't do waiting very well. I wanted to have her room all set up at like 20 weeks! LOL Obviously that didn't happen. (wouldn't really be feasible since no one has a baby shower by 20 weeks, and that's when you get most of the things you need). I realized I had to wait until the shower to get those things I need. I put off buying things because everyone told me to. They said to wait so I've tried waiting. But it's getting crunch time and I'm worried I won't have everything ready. I'm hoping some friends will be able tom come in next weekend and finish up the decorating in Emma's room. I'm also hoping that I'll be able to reorganize the kitchen to make room for all the things we will need.

Then there are the other things that scare me. I'm scared of failing. Failing her. I know there's no "right way" to parent and I will make mistakes, but I'm also terrified BECAUSE I know this. I'm scared of making sure everything gets done. Cleaning the house, making the meals, taking care of her, taking time out for my boyfriend, any time for myself (even just to read a book), family- and friend-time.... They say it's impossible to make everyone happy, that to try will drive you insane. But my personality is just that: I want to make sure the people I care about are taken care of and happy. Joining two families is difficult in and of itself. But adding a new baby that EVERYONE is going to want to see and hang out with... suddenly there's a lot more pressure and variables.

I don't know why all this is weighing on me today. Maybe it's because my birthday is only 27 days away. And after that, it's not too much longer until she's due. Maybe it's because I'm stressing about having to change doctors this late in the game. Maybe it's because all of a sudden I have people asking me what the plans are for our future. And I don't have the answers to that. I have never been the person to not have the answers. But I'm realizing more and more how that's the case. And I don't particularly like it.

Maternity Pics

Yesterday my boyfriend and I went to have our pics taken at a place in the mall. I wasn't sure how I'd feel about taking pictures in a studio. I mean, where I'm from, I have a few friends who do photography. *I* do photography. And we all like to do natural, outdoor shots. We go to beautiful places and take a LOT of pictures and edit them, and give our "customers" (more likely friends and family members) a CD with the edited pics and a release stating they can print them where-ever and however they like. All for about $100-$150--depending. Now, if we were doing a wedding, obviously we would charge a little more, but we do like 6hrs of pictures at their event and give them hundreds of pictures! Up here I am realizing that our way of doing things isn't the norm.

A few weeks ago, I started calling around to local places. I called JCPenny's, Sears, and a few other places around here, trying to get an idea of what to expect. Most places were willing to print me sheets of like 3-4 poses for a ridiculous amount of money. And NO CD option! A girl I work with has a neighbor who takes pictures, so I emailed her and asked about her pricing. She charged a $200 sitting fee (never heard of this outside of an established studio!) plus you have to order up $300 worth of prints. And she had an option for a CD--but it'll cost you at least $300!! HOLY MOLY!! Now, don't get me wrong. I looked at her pictures and they are GORGEOUS!! But I'm a southern girl. I can't imagine spending that kind of money on pictures.

Then we found a place in the mall. Their pictures on their website were cute and well done. I looked at their pricing: Not horrible. No sitting fee. A hig-res CD would only cost $150. So, almost like what I would get back home. But in a studio. That was a little tough to swallow, but everything else was good. So we booked a session (and rescheduled about FIVE TIMES, lol) and went yesterday. They say you should bring some props, things that were gifts from grandparents, memorabilia, etc. I took the blankets my grandmothers ' made me when I was born, the teddy bear my sister bought me at the ultrasound with Emma's heartbeat in it, the penquin my SO's mom and we made at Build-A-Bear back in November, a picture frame with a Hop On Pop pic in it, and some ribbon with baby foot prints on it.

I have to say. I still miss the way we do things in the south. While we ended up with some cute pictures, it always felt like the photographer was rushing us into the next pose. I understand: She has about half an hour to get us in and out. And that includes our "ordering" time. But still. She kept saying: "Is there another pose you want with [insert object we're using at that time]?" Eh, wasn't thrilled about that. When we sat down to look at the images, there were only like 20 to choose from. And there were quite a few pics she took I absolutely HATED! But then again, I am more critical of myself than most people are. In the end, we opted to go for the high-res CD so I could edit them when I got home. This also got us the "Membership." There's some free pics we can use, some $10 discounts, and the more times we go, the more free things we get. So hopefully we can go back there after she's born and get some studio ones of her, plus some of us as a family.

Here are a few pics we took:

This book means a lot to me because it is the very first book I ever read. Had to include it in our pics.

Family photo.

Some pretty significant things.

"Sandwich'd" between the two loves of my life: my daughter and my boyfriend.

"A mother stops becoming the picture, and starts becoming the frame."

Mother's Day, Father's Day, and gifts

Holy cow. Mother's Day is in 2 days!! That's still so surreal to me.

Last Friday I gave my mom her Mother's Day gift early: I took her to our elective ultrasound appointment. She hadn't been to any of the medical ones or the elective one prior and I knew this was something she was really looking forward to. So I scheduled it for a Friday after work, hoping both my sisters would be able to make it as well. One wasn't because of work, but we had fun anyways. And because she didn't cooperate, we get to go back the day after my mom's birthday and I think it will get to be all four of us this time.

While we were there, my mom bought me a Baby Book. It is sooo cute! Pink--of course--with all these pages to fill in. The nerd in me was quite excited! lol She said it was my first Mother's Day gift. I honestly hadn't even thought about getting a Mother's Day gift this year. I don't know why since I am usually one to over-think EVERYTHING! but I really hadn't considered whether or not I was "eligible" for a Mother's Day present. (Side note: My sister got me and my mom teddy bears with Emma's heartbeat in them for our Mother's Day presents!)

So... Am I a Mother? Officially? Mentally? Spiritually? All those other "ly's"? Should I expect a Mother's Day gift or acknowledgement on Sunday? I guess I don't feel like I should expect one. But that's also because I don't love getting gifts for the most part. I like giving gifts. I like making gifts for other people, picking things out I think/hope they will like. But Christmas and my birthday are always weird days for me. Because people ask me what I want and I never know how to answer that. I usually tell them I just want dinner with friends and family. Fun games or activities. Bowling or volleyball or even going to a karaoke bar (even though I NEVER sing! lol). I like being around the people who mean the most to me. Now there's another day where people might feel obligated to get me something and that makes me feel a little awkward. :-/

That's not to say I would ever tell a pregnant woman she is not a mother. Because then I think about it: and I truly consider my boyfriend a FATHER to our baby girl. Has he been able to hold her yet? No. But he has made hard choices to make sure her life is a good one. He works very hard to provide for her. And I know how much he loves her. Like last night. We were sitting on the couch and he was just rubbing my stomach. I asked what he was doing and he said "I want to feel her kick." Of course she already listens to Daddy more than Mommy, because almost immediately she kicked right where his hand was! (Stinker!) He also kisses my belly, holds it as he's going to sleep at night. I feel so much love when he does that. It's almost like there's an invisible beam going from his hand straight to her. I feel different when he's holding my belly. I can't put it into words; I guess it's just a feeling. I have every intention of getting him a Father's Day present from me and Emma. I've already been looking for just the right thing. (Still a little stumped, so any ideas you want to offer up would be GREATLY appreciated! LOL) But I can't say that I thought about whether or not he would get me a Mother's Day gift. hmmm

Today made me think of all the traditions we have in my family for Mother's Day. We are really big on traditions! (Maybe we just don't like change. lol) For Mother's Day growing up, we would make my mom coffee and Puff/Smacks cereal, put it on a tray with a little bell, and wait for her to wake up. You should know that us making coffee consisted of putting hot water over coffee grounds; and the milk was poured into the cereal long before she woke up so it was always incredibly soggy!! But she would eat the cereal and drink her mud and say how much she loved it. And she would ring the bell just to tell us she loved us. For Mother's Day 2 years ago (I think), I tried to do an upgrade on our childhood tradition. I bought her a new tray (one she could use on her patio they were just finishing up), a brand new bell with a beautiful green stone on the handle (her birthstone is an emerald), the new Special K with chocolate cereal, and fresh ground Starbucks Vanilla coffee. I don't drink coffee so I have no idea what a good flavor is. I took a stab at it! haha She loved it. She said it reminded her of when we were little and that was almost the best part. That we still got to be her little girls.

My dad was lucky. I was born the day before Father's Day. And since I'm his first, he never had the dilemma on whether or not he was "really" a dad while his wife was pregnant. Man, thinking about it--the guys in my life are so lucky! I mean, my birthday is the day before Father's Day again this year. It also happens to be my anniversary. So that means my boyfriend gets presents TWO DAYS IN A ROW! What a jip! LOL just kidding!

A very nice lady at the bank today wished me a Happy Mother's Day. And it made me smile a huge smile. Maybe because I didn't expect it, didn't ask for it. Maybe because it was nice to have someone look at me and say (indirectly) "You are a mother and are doing a great job--judging from the size of your belly." hahaha

All that being said: I cannot wait for Mother's Day next year. To spend the day with Emma in my arms instead of my belly. To watch my guy hold her and love on her. To know I can still give him a gift on a day people say is designated for me... to share the moments she will have with someone I love so much... that is going to be the best gift I ever receive, I think.

P.S. Wasn't totally kidding about needing ideas for Father's Day/1st Anniversary gifts for my guy! :)

We've got a little stinker!!

Yesterday I went to have another elective ultrasound done of Emma. I took my mom and baby sister (my middle sister was trying to get off work but couldn't). Before the "show" even began they were going a little nutty! LOL My sister got me a teddy bear that we put the baby's heart beat in. She also got one for my mom for Mother's Day and she got herself a monkey one. Then my mom bought me a memory book. I had registered for one but wasn't sure about it. I mean, the ones in the stores where we had registered were okay, but I didn't love them. And you can't look at every page when you register for one online...so I wasn't sure what we were possibly getting. But the ones they had at this place were really cute!! We, of course, got a pink one and started flipping through it, verbally saying the answers we'd fill in later.

Then it was time for the ultrasound. And guess what...She Was Sleeping!! She never sleeps after I eat! That's usually when she's most active during the day. Agh!! What a stinker!!

We tried everything. I pushed and poked and jiggled and wiggled my belly as much as I could. I turned over on both sides and then back to my back. But she was all nestled in there. She was using the placenta as a pillow even!!

At one point, after jiggling her around, she kind of looked up where the wand would be...then immediately turned into the placenta more! Just like when her daddy says "Five more minutes!" Ho boy! This does NOT look good for school mornings already! lol

But the great thing was we did get to see some of her face. And I think she is going to look like my dad! She definitely has our face shape with the chin angles and puffy cheeks. But I think she got my Pappy's nose! Daddy's feet and hands though. That was for sure. The tech took some measurements and said it looked like Emma currently weighs about 3lbs, 12 oz. What a hoss! lol That means, if she stays on track, I could give birth to an 8lb, 12oz baby girl this summer. That's HUGE!

She started making some silly faces at us. Looked like she was blowing kisses or talking. Then she'd scrunch up her nose at us. Finally she was DONE with this photo shoot. She brought both hands up over her eyes. She crossed them in front of her face. She had them in the "Put 'Um Up!" position. She even went so far as to put her FEET in front of her face!! What a stink pot!

Using the placenta as her pillow, and her hand to block a good shot!

Stinker's foot by her face!

3D sepia of her.

Luckily this place is amazing and, when they realized she wasn't going to cooperate, they immediately offered me a chance to reschedule. For free! I was a little depressed going in to that appointment because I thought it would be the last time I see her face until she is born. But her stubbornness was a good thing because now I get to go back in a few weeks and see her again! Not gonna complain about that!