Patience....

They say "Patience is a virtue." To which I've always responded "Well, it's not a virtue I have a lot of!"

I've never been great at the waiting game. This is something about myself I am WELL aware of. But now I sit here and don't have a choice and it's making me CRAZY!!

I'm a planner. The second I find out something needs to be done, I do it. Even if it's not due right away. This is for several reasons:

1. If I don't do it right when you tell me, I tend to forget. It's either write it down a whole bunch and keep putting it off, or do it right away. I usually opt for "right away" because I never know what might come up that could keep me from doing what needs to be done or what was asked of me.
2. It bugs me to have things half finished. I don't like to start something unless I can see it all the way through. 
3. I don't like messes!! lol Those of you who know me know this is a "No Duh" moment, but seriously. I hate having a mess around. If I plan things out right, there shouldn't be a mess.

But here we are. 10 weeks in and I'm struggling with patience. I want to decorate the nursery. In order to do that, I have to know what we're having: boy or girl? And for that I have to wait another 7 weeks or so! It's killing me!

Plus there are all those things I want to do with the baby already. I want to hold it. I want to kiss it's little head, feel it's fingers curl around one of mine, watch my boyfriend hold the baby.... All those things. I can't wait to be a mommy.

But that's the thing, isn't it? I *have* to wait. I'm 25% of the way there--which feels amazing. That's a tangible percentage, you know? 25%. That's like needing a dollar and finding a quarter. You start to feel hopeful. Like maybe these next few weeks will fly by and suddenly you'll be at 20 weeks and seeing your baby, knowing if it's a boy or girl, planning the baby showers within the next month or so... Then it'll be summer and you can start a countdown of days, not just weeks or months.

I guess all the changes right now are a little scary.

• There's everything wacky going on inside me: crazy-emotional, none of my clothes fit, sleeping is rough... 
• There's the financial changes: selling the car and paying off debts, giving a much bigger chunk to my savings for those weeks when I won't be working, knowing there's so much to buy ahead of time... 
• The environmental changes: the house, a baby's room, making sure our room will be ready too... 
• And the changes to my relationship: We are going from a couple to a family of three. I've never been a "family of three." That's kind of scary. Am I still going to be pretty to him after I have a baby and my entire body looks like a deflated balloon? Will I still have time to cook, clean, watch the baby, and spend some quality time with just him? How do people make it work? It seems so daunting!!

The thing that is keeping me sane--the only thing right now--is that everyday he tells me how great we are going to be. How every change we make will be the best thing for our baby. How much he loves me. How he can't wait to meet our baby either. And every day he tells me I am more beautiful than the day before.
These things help me realize I really do just have to be patient. Because working myself up on something I can't change (I can't pop my baby out any sooner!) is just going to make me nuts.

Last night I told him I'd follow him anywhere. He said he didn't want me to follow him; he wanted me right there beside him. Well... I am. I trust him completely and cannot wait to travel our journey together. Right now it's slow steps. But that just means we get to meander along and enjoy the sights a little longer.