Easter

Tomorrow is Easter. And this weekend just reminds me of all the traditions I can't wait to continue with my little girl.

The very first tradition I remember as a little girl is reading the Velveteen Rabbit every year. My Grammy would come down to my mom and dad's house and read it to us every year. If it was really nice out, we would get to sit outside and listen to her read it.

The other tradition is the "hiding of the Easter Baskets." See, we had a big house (at least I remember it being big), with all these fun little nooks and crannies. Places you could hide something easily enough but a little kid could still get to them. Then, on Easter morning, we would all run around the house looking for a basket. Any basket. It didn't have to be ours. It was actually more fun when it wasn't our own basket. Each basket had one of our names in it, so we knew whose it was. When we found a basket, we would go sit in the living room and wait for everyone else to find one. Once they were all found, we would  give the person their basket. It was like you still got all the fun of finding a basket, but then you got the gift of giving someone something they would like too.

The other great thing about our baskets: Yes they had chocolate in them. But they also had our FAVORITE type of candy in them. And they would have a toy or book or something kind of small that was specific to what we liked. I usually got Reese's cups, Nerds, and a book of some kind. My sisters would get what they like.

As I got older, there was another tradition we started. We would watch the movie Steel Magnolias. I don't even know why, but it has become a tradition.

The traditions we never really did: Easter Egg hunts. I don't remember going to too many of them. And I don't know if I would want to go to those. We never did the "get a new Easter dress." Well, I didn't really like dresses so I was okay with that one. I don't know that we'll be able to get away from that with our little girl, but it's not something I see as a "have to do."

Today marks 99 days until my due date. 99 days (round-a-bout) until I get to meet my little girl. Less than 100 days until I get to hold her and see her. I want these 99 days to fly by, but then I'm scared I'm not really ready for her yet. Her room's not finished. We still have a lot of decorating to do with it. Then there's the little things around the house that I want to finish before she gets her. That being said, I still am thankful for every day she's in there. It's one more day for her to get stronger. And one less day until I meet her.

The "Name Game"

Okay, so the day we found out we were having a little girl, my boyfriend told me he wanted to name her Emily Rose. M is his first initial. Rose is my middle name. She'd sort of be named after both of us. My first thought was of the movie "Exorcism of Emily Rose." (insert shudder). He said I would probably be the only one to think of that. I told him I would go along with Emily if we spelled it EMMALEIGH. Now we both call her Emma anyways, so the spelling doesn't matter as much.

Trouble now is... neither of us love the middle name for her.  First off, I wasn't ever one of those girls who had to pass on my name to my daughter. I think it gets confusing. But also because my mom's first name is Lillie, I'm Rose... I didn't want it to seem like a flower garden on my side! lol

A few nights ago I was talking to my BF's mom and joked about changing her middle name to Grace, that way she'd have a shot at not being a clutz like me. His mom started "oooh-ing" and "ahhh-ing" over the name and saying how much she liked that. I kinda tested it out with my guy last night. He started saying the "new" name over and over. Emmaleigh Grace ____. Emmaleigh Grace ___. He said he liked it a lot better. Plus it wouldn't have the stigma of the horror movie (apparently I *WASN'T* the only one to remember!)

I ran her name by a few close friends and they all said the same thing: they love it. I thought people were silly before when they said "You'll know the baby's name when you hear it." But ever since I spoke it aloud, I've known that was her name. I'm gonna ask him one more time, just to be certain he's on board with it... but I'm pretty sure we've got a name change. Lol

How does this happen??

It has taken me almost an entire week to write this blog. Every time I tried to finish up the post on the anatomy scan, it made me think of what happened last week, and especially Saturday, and I just couldn't get the words out. Today I am making myself write this. I hope it helps me somehow. Most people who read this will probably not know the person I'm talking about. They won't really get this. And that's okay.

Last Tuesday, February 26th, a good friend of mine was shot. Not the kind of shot like he got caught in a crossfire. Not the kind of shot where he attacked someone. No. The kind of shot where some jackwad driver got upset with him, stepped out of his car holding his gun, walked up to Brandon's car, and shot him three times. Yeah. The utterly defenseless kind of shot. And three times.

Now this alone makes me angry. But it gets more ... there's really no word to explain it. The jackwad is trying to say he was defending himself from Brandon. Oh yeah. A man sitting locked and strapped in his truck is really scary and intimidating. This guy claimed Brandon had a gun. Well, when the cops checked Brandon's person and vehicle there was NOTHING!!! So how did this person feel threatened enough to justify shooting a man SITTING IN HIS CAR???

And then there's still more: The man who shot my friend was an off-duty security officer. A rent-a-cop. Who couldn't hold down a job in the field for very long. He had been a security guard for about 4 different companies and let go from all of them. Says something to me. When the cops came to the scene of the crime, they interviewed this guy... AND LET HIM GO!!! WHAT? Are you kidding me? Even if he is claiming self-defense, anyone else who shoots someone in broad daylight would be taken in for questioning. They would be held. Not this guy. He walked away from this. Went home to his wife. And nothing has been done to him.

Brandon fought for his life for four whole days. He ultimately gave in and gave up to the Lord. On Saturday, March 2nd, at 10:10am, Brandon passed away. He leaves behind his wife and three sons. His youngest son was just 2 weeks old at the time.

I sit here every morning and get on facebook. I look at Brandon's page, and those pages remembering and honoring him. I watch the videos people have made of him. For him. I spend an hour of my day crying, missing this person who was just SUCH a good person. He played in a Christian Rock Band. He fought in Afghanistan. He led the youth theatre in our hometown.

I met Brandon in 7th grade. Even back then, he was just such a FUN person. He played football, but he wasn't like the stereotypical football players. He didn't fit into any of those molds, on TV or movies or anything. He always had a smile on his face. Always. He was kind to everyone. When we got to high school, he got into drama and speech. I wasn't involved in any of those but we stayed friends for the next four years.

One of my last face-to-face conversations came when we were in college, way back in 2006 I think. He was about to be shipped overseas. We messaged each other and said it would be fun to catch up. He told me about his wife. Their new baby Nolan. His deployment. What he had been getting into since we graduated. I remember sitting in DUC and just enjoying time with my friend.

I never saw him again. Not in person. He went overseas. I went to the University of Alabama for my internship, then Florida International University for grad school. He came home and raised his family with his wife. They had another baby boy: Evan. I went to work in Texas for a bit. I moved to Illinois to be around my family up here. We messaged on facebook a few times. I loved seeing what plays and productions he had coming up with the youth. He'd post videos of his band. Let everyone know what they were doing. He ran for Constable last November and it was fun seeing that side of him too.

There are some days I wonder if I should just give up my facebook. Sometimes the drama on there is frustrating. After last week, I know that's just not gonna happen anytime soon. I am sooo thankful for the past 7 years of being able to stay friends with Brandon even though we lived so far apart. I know there will still be drama on there. People will say stupid things. But ultimately, it keeps me active in the lives of those people I grew up with.

Brandon, I miss you. Every day. I find myself sitting alone crying because I hate what was done to you. I am thankful you were my friend. I am thankful for the past 15 years of knowing you. I've said it before and I'll say it again: Right up to your very last breath you were a shining example for your sons. You fought and showed strength. You died and showed faith in God. You gave your organs to 8 people and showed compassion. Thank you B-Rad. Love and miss you buddy.

Every. Single. Day.

Rock out in Heaven, man.

 Brandon with his family before baby Conner was born.

My friend.

Anatomy Scan

***I started this last Saturday before I got some terrible new, and am just now getting around to finishing it. Sorry for the delay. I kept everything how it originally was and stayed with the "time" of the original post. Follow up to come**

After the week I had, Friday just brought so much joy and happiness to me. (I'll explain in a separate post.)

Well, first off: I got to go into work an hour late and leave about 20 minutes early! I had to cover for the hygiene area at work Monday night and can't work over 40 hours, so we worked it to where I came in late Thursday and Friday.

Then I went home and picked up my bf's mom, so she could go with us to the 20 week Anatomy Ultrasound (at almost 22weeks). I was at her house when I got a call from my bf stating he was called out to work and wouldn't make the ultrasound. :(

His mom and I went on to the appointment. We stopped for a quick bite before at a little cafe/bistro place. I had a really good turkey club sandwich and a kind of weird salad. It had pistachios and pears and grapes in it. Grapes were good. The other two... still not sure about! LOL

Then we got to the maternal/fetal center. The tech came in and immediately asked if we wanted to know the gender. Since it had been 6 weeks since we were told, and we were told kind of early, I said yes. I wanted to be sure my Emma wasn't going to turn into my Eli! lol

Well apparently Emma wasn't too thrilled about getting her space invaded. She kept her hands balled up in fists right by her face the entire time! No profile shots for us. And the tech had to push pretty hard to make sure she got the right measurements. Guess Emma was as deep as she could be, because at one point the tech had to use BOTH HANDS to press down. Sheesh, that was uncomfortable. Anytime I wanted to speak up, I just remembered what my dad always said: "If you complain, they just seem to take longer." So I stayed quiet and hoped this prodding would end soon.

Eventually it did. Here's the low-down: on Friday, March 1st, my baby weighed a whole pound and is set for an estimated delivery date still of 7/7. All good news! The tech got up to leave and my bf's mom and I both kinda yelled "GENDER??" She forgot! She came back and did a quick scan, but it was really grainy and none of us could be sure. The tech said "I think it's a girl, but I'm not sure."

A few minutes later the doctor came in. I said "Before you start, could you please double check the gender?" He smiled and grabbed the wandy thing, put it on my belly, and immediately found my baby. "Girl. Definitely a girl. No doubt about it." Then I asked him about her weight. I told him I had had some trouble gaining weight during the pregnancy and just wanted to make sure she's healthy. He did some computer magic and pulled up some stats. "She's in the 45% percentile. She's perfect. Absolutely perfect. Middle of the road perfect." That made me feel so much better. To know she was healthy in there. And if a doc tells you your baby is perfect, well that's a good sign in my book!

Right before we went to leave, he tried to get us a profile shot. He had the wand on my belly and started jiggling it around. Nope. Emma was NOT going to cooperate. She had those fists up ready to duke it out with us! lol She's a feisty one, my little girl. And stubborn too!!! I'm gonna say that's like her daddy! lol (because I can. hahaha)

Owls & Elephants

I have two very important pieces of art, both sculptures. Both from my Nammers (my dad's mom's mom).

When I was about 8 years old, my Nammers gave me a "knick knack." It was a mommy owl with her wing over her baby owl. I have kept that thing for almost 20 years now. It has traveled the country with me. Ever since she gave me that, I have loved owls. Now, considering I am TERRIFIED of birds, I understand this is weird. But true at the same time. Whenever I see a painting of an owl, or a little figurine, I have to physically hold myself back from buying it.

When Nammers passed away a year later, I helped move my Beer Pap (her husband) into an assisted living center. We had to clean his house and pack up his whole life. It was really hard. While I was doing that, he told me I could take whatever I wanted. He wanted me to have things to remember him and Nammers by. I ended up with some of her handkerchiefs which I still have. I also took a little elephant figurine. One of the tusks had broken off, and a leg was missing, but I *HAD* to have this elephant. The Christmas before I started my internship, I found a sterling silver ring with an elephant on it. I didn't buy it that day, but kept going back to the store and looking at it. Until finally, 3 days before I drove to Alabama and started working at the University of Alabama (Roll Tide and elephants anyone??), I finally broke down and bought it. I still have it too. I also bought another elephant figurine while we were on a Christmas trip with my dad's family in Gatlinburg.

So the reason for this post: Basically it's a reflection on the things that mean the most to me. I am really big in looking for meaning in things. And the other day I was walking around Toys R Us with my mom and told her I had initially wanted to do an "India-inspired" theme in the room. With rich jewel tones (ruby reds, sapphire blues, pearls and gemstones) even before I found out I was having a girl. Mainly I wanted this theme because of my love of elephants. Luckily I decided against it because there's no way I could have pulled that theme off the way I would wan to. I also told my mom I thought about something with Owls, but that was so limiting or I'd have to go with an "outdoorsy" theme, and I'm soo not an outdoorsy/woodsy girl.

As soon as I said Owls and Elephants though, something clicked. Something that took me almost 20 years to put together. The two items that mean the most to me symbolize "wisdom." Something I strive for every day. I try not to open my mouth on things I'm not sure of, try to learn from those who know more than I do, try to teach others when I can. (Try being the operative word there.) So for me to gravitate towards things which mean "wisdom" makes sense. It's also these things I want to pass on to my little girl.

The flip side of that: the owl figurine is a mother and her baby. I have always felt like this was something to pass on, but now that I'm having a little girl, it means more than that. It's a physical example of the love I already have for her. The protection I want to give her, always. Owls are also predators who will strike those who try to harm their nest and babies. Elephants are the same way. I mean, look at the movie "The Jungle Book." The mommy elephant is always looking out for her baby. Those pictures in nature magazines with elephants, you will will usually find one with a mommy elephant wrapping her trunk around her baby, cocooning it with her ears, shielding it with her strong body.

These are the images I conjure when I think of owls and elephants. These are the traits I want to show my daughter. My love for her is...indescribable. I would protect her with all I have. I will pass on all I know and encourage her to learn every day.

Wisdom and Strength.If I can teach or show her those things, I know she will be confident and caring.

Every day is one day closer to meeting her. Every day is an eternity! And every day is another memory I'll get to share with her. Remember: An elephant never forgets!

Here are the figurines I was talking about. The mommy owl and her owlet; I've used them for inspiration for art contests and won! The elephant on the left is the one my Nammers made. The one on the right is the one I picked up in Gatlinburg.

Baby Journal

Right after I first found out I was pregnant, I went and bought a simple black journal. I knew I wanted to write letters to my baby. Letters he or she would be able to read later on. Letters about the little moments, the big moments, the crazy feelings. Everything. I wanted to have something my baby would treasure forever.

See, every year on my birthday...at the very minute I was born, my mom would wake me up or call me and say "You know what I was doing at this time (blah-blah) years ago?" Every year, she would do this. It was my favorite part of my birthday. I know it was a moment my mom would (obviously) never forget.

Then there are the simple stories she tells me. Like how she would lay in a warm bath just to watch me "swim." How she had to have a glass of apple juice every day. Sometimes though I wonder about the other days. The things she thought she'd never forget, but over the years and two other pregnancies haven't stuck like she thought they would.

Now though, I'm worried about my idea some. I mean, when I start writing I get really excited. And when I get excited my handwriting gets sloppy. And I don't want to pass down a sloppy silly journal. Plus, I bought a gender-neutral journal before we knew we were having a girl. I don't want to give her a boring black book. :(

Now I have to decide. Do I want to type all the letters on my computer and print them out, bind them nicely, and give her that? Or type them to save them so I can write them into a pretty journal later on? Or just go buy the nice journal now and transfer what I already have and add to it? Any suggestions?

Follow up on Vday

So yesterday I blogged about how I was excited to have not one, but TWO Valentines this year. Just a quick follow-up:

I got to work yesterday and about an hour later a box of flowers was delivered to me. Inside were the most beautiful roses! And a teddy bear. And a box of chocolates. :) Here's a picture for you guys to see (chocolates not included because I think they were gone by that point! LOL)

 Anyways, so I don't think my guy knew it, but Texas Roses and Sterling Roses are my favorite kind. Sterling are the purple/silver ones without thorns and Texas Roses are the yellow-with-pink/orange-tip ones. The bouquet he sent me had 3 Texas Roses in it! I took it to mean: One for me, one for him, and one for Emma. (Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but hey... I can!)

The other thing I don't think he knew is that I used to collect Teddy Bears way back when. Wal-Mart had those Annual Christmas Bears and I would alternate between the boy one and the girl one every year. I ended up giving them to Goodwill when I went away to college and haven't really been able to get more since. But teddy bears are one of my favorite things.

Later that night we went and saw Identity Thief with his mom, brother, and 4 cousins. There were some really funny parts, some parts that made me wish I wasn't sitting next to his mom because they were really uncomfortable for me, and then some parts that made me go "Really??" Overall I'd say it was a funny movie though.

But he knew the way to my heart was ending the night saying "Honey, wanna go see Die Hard this weekend?" I LOVE THIS MAN!! LOL