Seriously God? Just stop now

I'm done. I can't take anymore losses. In Emma's VERY short life, she has lost so many people already. At two and a half months she lost 2 great-grandmas. My Mamaw Pearl and her Daddy's stepdad's mom. This past January she lost her great-grandpa Stan. And today she lost her great-grandpa: my Pappy.

This morning started out so good too! That's what is surreal. I mean, we woke up. I made her Daddy a full breakfast of oatmeal and eggs; normally he gets oatmeal and a protein shake because we are strapped for time. I packed his lunch. Then we got to sit and talk for about 20 minutes before he left. Right as he was about to leave, Emma woke up. I brought her down and she saw her Daddy and started flailing her arms and laughing, and had the biggest smile ever. She gave him the biggest hug and laid her head on his chest. When I went to take her so he could leave, she started bawling and clutching at him. It was the cutest sight ever.

Anyways, fast forward 45 minutes. I get a text from my dad telling me to call him ASAP. Honestly, I know when I saw "Text Message: Dad" pop up on the screen. I prayed I was wrong, but I knew. Then I called... and he could barely choke out the words. I broke down immediately. I just kept saying "But I talked to him two days ago. I talked to him two days ago!"

See, Wednesday night I was getting dinner and called my Grammy and talked to her. At the end of the call she said my Pappy wanted to talk to me. He asked when we were going to come see him. I told him with my new job I was going to have to work out the schedule with my boss and Emma's daddy was going to have to take his vacation days, but we were planning on going to see them next month--when the weather got nicer. He said that would be nice. Then he told  me a few stories (he was such a story-teller) and we ended the call. I went home that night and told Emma's Daddy we needed to start thinking about taking that trip next month.

Too Late.
Always too late.

I'm so mad. I can't help it. I'm mad at God for taking all these people away from my daughter. With all the terrible, horrible, good for nothings out there---WHY TAKE THESE PEOPLE???? These were good people. People who loved their families. People who made us laugh and smile and want to go see them again.

I'm so MAD!! I'm mad that Emma will NEVER get to make memories with these people. Am I sad for myself? Of course. I'm human and selfish. BUT. I am so sad and mad and frustrated for my daughter. She will NEVER EVER have memories with these amazing people. At least I have memories with them. Why take that chance away from her???


***
If there is one good thing to be taken from this, it's: At least Emma got to spend some time with each of these people before they left us. She saw each of them once. Only once. But at least I will have the memories of each of those visits. Memories and stories to share with her as she grows.